Travis Barker -- "I Hate Planes"

And who can blame him?

Travis Barker tells Us Weekly he's "grateful to be here at all" after the plane crash that burned him severely –- and killed his assistant and bodyguard. "My biggest fear ever is to be involved in a plane crash, so when that happened," says Trav, "well, I'm just thankful to be alive!"

Barker reveals he's got third-degree burns from his feet to his waist and on one of his hands. He's still in treatment at an L.A. burn center.

Christie Brinkley's ex Peter Cook isn't just a perv, he's a world-class moron, too.

He's given a shocking sitdown to Barbara Walters in which he says he cheated on Christie Brinkley because he didn't get "the attention" and "the thank-you" he needed for his "efforts" and all the "tremendous work" he was doing for the family.

Pervy Pete says he hopes he won't be seen as a "scumbag pervert." Wrong on both counts.

She might have Tom Brady on the payroll -- sorta -- but Gisele Bundchen doesn't support her entire family back in Brazil.