How can you call America great when it's never even won a badminton medal?

Can the self-proclaimed greatest country in the world really be all that great if it’s never even won an Olympic medal in handball?

Two weeks ago at the Democratic National Convention, tens of millions heard the party spend four nights espousing the United States as the best of the best, citing freedom and opportunity for all. “Don’t let anyone ever tell you that this country is not great,” Michelle Obama said in her widely-praised speech. “Because this right now is the greatest country on Earth.” Fine. But Mrs First Lady, with all due respect, wouldn’t a truly superior nation have won a medal in rhythmic gymnastics by now?

The week before the Democrats pro-America rally, Donald Trump and the Republicans dumped all over the nation, but vowed to restore the United States’ place in the world. “Make America Great Again,” Trump and his supporters say over and over and over again. But when is this great era of America’s past? If you think greatness is defined by badminton glory – and that’s undoubtedly a way one could define it – then the sad fact is that America has never been great, as no American man or woman has ever climbed the Olympic podium to receive a badminton medal. Perhaps the fear and xenophobia that drives so many Trump fans came from watching the American badminton duo of Howard Bach and Tony Gunawan get routed in the group state of the 2012 Games by South Korea, Malaysia and Japan, failing to win a single set. Perhaps Trump voters want a wall because a net has given them no protection.

If only America’s humiliation was limited to handball, rhythmic gymnastics and badminton. But the land that insists it is a superpower has also never medaled in table tennis or trampoline. That list of shame could add golf and rugby sevens after Rio, where those sports are being contested for the first time in an Olympics. The US has failed at the Winter Olympics, too, having never medaled in the biathlon. America can’t medal in a sport that combines shooting and skiing? So many in the snowy Rocky Mountain states demand their second amendment rights, yet they’ve somehow not once been able to use their right to bear arms to put a medal in their hands. Sad.

Further discussion of the USA’s Winter Olympics disgrace can wait two years for Pyeongchang, however. For now, the country has its hands full (and medal display cases empty) with the Summer Olympics and the five-possibly-going-on-seven sports in which the former British colony repeatedly fails. Optimists will point out that the US won the first gold medal of these Rio Games. And that the US was tied for the most medals at the end of day one. Or they’ll say that the US has nearly 2,500 summer medals, and just under 1,000 of those gold, in its Games history. They may mention that the US is the heavy favorite to lead the medal count at the end of Rio. But tell all those facts to the young American boy or girl who dreams of one day winning trampoline gold and see where it gets you. Who are to be their role models? Team USA trampoline participant Nicole Ahsinger of San Diego, California? Come on. She was merely a non-competing alternate at the 2008 and 2012 Olympics.

But America, for all its many flaws – from zero trampoline medals to economic inequality to zero biathlon medals – never gives up, even when its back is against the rhythmic gymnastics mat. So in order to form a more perfect union, the US must set its sights on ending its medals drought. Call it the new “moon shot” mission, but launched from a trampoline. If Cleveland can win a sports championship, surely the United States can manage bronze in ping pong.

First, the US must funnel its best athletes into its worst sports. What else can Serena Williams prove in tennis? She has accomplished everything. Everything but become a two-sport star. After Rio she has one more Olympics left in her 30s. Let’s get a badminton racket in her hand and watch her bring glory to the stars and stripes at Tokyo 2020. Venus, a little older than Serena and less mobile, will be tasked with ending the US goose egg in table tennis. America’s most famous table tennis player currently is Forrest Gump and everyone – everyone outside of Philadelphia, at least – knows it is embarrassing to champion a fictional person as a sports hero. Venus could change that.

Handball can be addressed with a resource the United States has more than any other nation: mobile quarterbacks. Imagine a team featuring the likes of Cam Newton, Russell Wilson, Andrew Luck, Ben Roethlisberger, Marcus Mariota and Eli Manning. (Sure, Manning is not particularly mobile, but his facial expressions deserve the exposure of the international stage.) American football is not in the Olympics, making handball the only chance NFL stars have of hanging a gold medal in their trophy cases. Then clinch the sale by telling them that moving to competitive handball will make them free of Roger Goodell. (Leave out the fact that the IOC is even worse.)

Team USA’s first trampoline medal can be won with well-known, but under-utilized members of the American sporting community: the mascots. Long before trampoline became an Olympic event in 2000, American mascots were using trampolines to delight and amaze NBA fans. They are the best of the best and deserve the chance to show the world.

What a moment it would be to see the Phoenix Suns Gorilla leap atop the medal stand, a gold medal nestled deep within his synthetic chest fur. And what a way to honor the memory of the great Harambe.

That leaves rhythmic gymnastics. This one has no silver bullet. There are no American sports that easily translate to tumbling around with ribbons, hoops and balls, save what you might see from an especially clumsy team equipment manager. Russell Westbrook isn’t capable of dominating the the ball quite this much in Oklahoma City.

To achieve success in rhythmic gymnastics, America must build a national program that can grow and nurture the sport until it produces athletes that are the best in the world.

It could take decades. If the US men’s soccer program is any indication, this approach might take centuries. But it will happen. America will one day win a rhythmic gymnastics medal and truly earn its place above all other nations. Best of all, it will have fancy ribbons in hand to celebrate.