7 Easy, Unexpected Ways to Boost Your Libido in Just 30 Minutes
Hormones shift. Desires shift. Relationships and intimacy ebb and flow. That’s part of the natural progression of midlife.
Putting too much pressure on yourself to make intimacy like it “used to be” isn’t helping anyone. It may naturally take you some more time than it has in the past to get in the mood. That was one of the themes of Halle Berry-founded wellness brand Respin’s Reignite: Sex Ed for Menopause event series, moderated by Jill Chmielewski, RN, Respin Health’s education lead. Guest Anita Nicholson, a board-certified family nurse practitioner, sex educator and menopause advocate, stressed that you can prep yourself for sex on your own terms.
Think about it: When you finish your daily tasks, from washing the dishes and steaming clothes for the next day to letting the dog out one more time, these aren’t necessarily the sexiest. “So it’s like, coming home. It’s often times the last thing on a woman’s mind,” and being ready to have sex doesn’t always happen like the flip of a light switch, as in “spontaneous desire,” says Nicholson. And that’s OK. “We now are more in a place of being responsive to our environment,” she adds.
That’s why you need “transition time” after “real life” before you get to intimacy.
“I do certainly have many patients who sort of want to shortcut it, and this is a point in your life where you just can’t take shortcuts anymore. You have to really slow down, be intentional and take each step,” says Nicholson.
What exactly is transition time?
It’s about taking a few moments to bridge what might be a desire or intimacy gap between partners. Transition time is a mindful approach to intentionally prepare yourself for sex. “We need to be engaged for at least at least a half an hour for our body to really get those signals [and] send that out to our nervous system,” says Nicholson.
Unsure how to start? Here are seven creative creative ways to spend your transition time, according to experts.
Fly Solo
“First, you need to rediscover your own body,” says Nicholson. “Get out a mirror if you’ve never done that.”
Yes, the classic mirror exercise.
Even before you engage in intimacy with a partner, solo exploration is a great gateway to understanding and discovering your body and what you like now, adds Nicholson.
Take a Hot Bath or Shower
Unwinding with a hot bath or shower can be the perfect way to shift into the headspace for sex.
“Water is a really good transition,” says Nicholson. “Go into that bathroom and come out a different person.”
This can help you turn on your “sensual self” because you’re taking the time alone and are particularly focused on your body and well-being.
Ask a Partner to Lotion You Up
Post-bath or shower, you’ll need to moisturize. Use this as a potential opportunity to transition to intimacy.
Have your partner apply lotion to you for 20 full minutes before any sexual activity to help you relax, suggests Nicholson. And sex doesn’t even need to be on the menu after, either.
Get in a Workout
After getting home from a long work day, working out is a helpful interim activity.
Yoga is also a surprisingly effective exercise to get turned on, says Nicholson. It’s not necessarily the yoga itself, but the mind-body connection that does it.
“You’re taking the time to pull your mind into your body and be very mindful of your body and how it feels,” Nicholson adds.
Sync Up Your Breathing With Some Exercises
You probably have never tried breathing in synchronization with your partner.
Nicholson recommends trying the app Insight Timer, which has couples’ meditation and breathwork exercises, all of which are under 15 minutes.
This can take the pressure off of the transition to intimacy. You can lie side by side and just unwind from your day.
“There’s no orgasm on the table, so it’s not performative,” says Nicholson.
“Nobody’s getting disappointed,” she adds. It’s just about being together and being in sync mentally.
Start a Sensual Q&A
If you’re a couple who can’t stand silence (or will easily fall asleep the second you start deep breathing), try a sexy questionnaire. You can put 15 minutes on the clock and ask your partner sensual questions.
The number one rule is to ask your partner for feedback, says Nicholson. Ask how they’d like to be touched, what feels good and respond neutrally. Then, switch and take a turn answering the question.
“You may decide to stay and go further,” Nicholson says, so it could progress to intimacy, but it doesn’t have to. “You transitionally connected with each other, and you’re taking the time to ask each other, ‘What do you like? What do you want?'” she says.
Transition time shouldn’t be a quick thing to get to the main event.
In fact, Nicholson advises doing these sensual activities when you have enough time and aren’t feeling exhausted, say, on a Sunday afternoon. That’s the perfect time to explore what works for you, transition-wise, in a stress-free environment (before the Sunday scaries hit).
Use a Scent as a ‘Pleasure Anchor’
if you struggle to find yourself transitioning from work to pleasure, call on a specific scent to help, suggests Angie Rowntree, an American Board of Sexology-certified sexologist and founder and director of Sssh.com, a destination for ethical pornography from a woman’s point of view.
Use the powerful link between scent and memory to fuel your arousal by establishing “arousal anchors,” scents will put you in the mood quickly. Rowntree said these anchors can help quicken the transition.
Lay some groundwork first: pair sex with a sensual candle, perfume or body oil.
“Whatever your nose ‘knows’ to associate with sexy good times will hardwire your brain into going there,” she said. “This means that when you unplug and ‘get a whiff’ it’s much easier to help get into that sensual, receptive frame of mind that good sex depends on.”
