“Small, fragile, and still here” probably feels like an apt descriptor for how you and I feel at times. The sentiment certainly pervades the questions this advice column gets about career development, including how to find a job, maintain your mental health in the workforce, and maybe even find the courage to leave a current role.
The above descriptor is also the intro title of VERIVERY Kangmin’s first solo album, released on March 26, featuring three lush tracks that unveil his fears and self-doubts. After debuting at age 15 in the incredibly demanding K-pop industry, Kangmin is still afloat eight years in (even if he’s “free falling” in order to better orient himself), and he certainly understands the highs and lows of life and work.
Read on for his answers to your questions—and perhaps to borrow his hope that, one day, we may be able to confess that we’re “small, fragile, still here, and happy.”
I feel like it’s near impossible for a person to balance everything, so in asking this question, you’re doing well already—you’re trying to determine what’s most important to you. In fact, you’re taking a step further to ask the “why” of it all: “Why am I studying?”
I had already debuted by your age, but when I was in middle school, I certainly argued with my parents the most about this issue. They said I needed to study to live a happier, easier life. But I couldn’t find a reason to study at that point, and enjoyed other stuff more. For example, I’d liked K-pop from an early age, watching the music videos of my industry seniors, BTS. And then I was street-cast quite suddenly, meaning the start to my career was easier than most.
This isn’t to say, of course, that I didn’t work hard from then on, but the reason I should [work hard] was clearer for me. I wanted to debut, to come first on a music show; now I just want to do my best in the opportunities that come my way. Securing such reasons at each milestone has been important in making my actions worthwhile.
If you’re finding it hard now to come up with a reason [for all the studying], I do recommend trying different experiences. It’s like how I had only listened to hip-hop, but realized I could like other genres, too, once I started to explore them. You won’t know if you enjoy something without trying. But it doesn't have to be what everyone else is doing, either—you can try things that are different than [what] your friends [are doing].
I’m right there with you. I, too, compare myself a lot to my friends and colleagues and can feel like I’m falling behind. Even if I successfully pursue greater heights, there’s always another person to compare myself with.
It’s something I was wrestling with while writing the lyrics to the intro for my album: “Would there be someone deemed insignificant in this world? / Or, in opposition, someone deemed special from the start? / Such thoughts are simply the greed of this boy / He, who thirsts for greater love, dreams once more.”
However, I don’t think I’m living a life of misery because of it. After all, as Yongseung, another member of my group told me, stress itself isn’t a negative emotion—it’s in how you deal with it.
For example, I compared myself to others most when I was on Boys II Planet last year, a reality survival show of 160 contestants vying to secure a place in a new group. (I came ninth, just missing out.) I was often frustrated and felt small. But I couldn’t fall into despair, so I put the effort into moving forward instead. I studied myself in the mirror, reached out for advice, and sought to be curious about the strengths of others. I’d think, I’m honest and easy to approach, so that's good. But, hey, I also like that member’s gaze, and that’s a trait I don’t have yet. Shall I make that mine too?
But this kind of added pressure needs to be founded on the belief that you’re already okay as you are. I’m not perfect at thinking and acting like this either, but I am trying. I mean, if only [show] winners can be K-pop idols, there’d only ever be one group. Surely, there’s value to my group’s existence, too, and particular encouragement that we can provide.
So, while I am hard on myself, I balance this self-critique with the views of those that love me: my family, friends, members, and fans. I know they’re honest and look out for me best because they’re liberal in their compliments while also directing me back to the right path when necessary. Who can be that for you?
In a recent Instagram post, I finished my letter of thanks with the promise that I would be carved prettily through the winds of time. Let’s trust that though we may not be well-formed yet, we’ll continue to grow into something lovely.
I haven’t been able to solve this either! Seriously, how old does one have to be to solve this?
I also reckoned with this in my intro: the frustration of being unable to grow and mature while in the repetitive cycle of the everyday.
There’s two things I do to deal. First, I try to imbue meaning into this present moment, in what I’m doing, and all the things that exist in front of me. If I make the present mean something, won’t it become meaningful? Second, I seek small daily pleasures. For me, these look like chatting with friends, eating something delicious, climbing to a new tier on League of Legends, and having a good night’s sleep.
After all, life will be a continuation of worries and struggles, so the greatest gift and solace we can give ourselves is to find one thing that makes us happy, and then another, and another….
Okay, this is pretty “thinking” rather than “feeling” of me, even though my MBTI is INFP—and I recognize that it could sound flighty—but if you’ve given all of yourself to this job and done all you can in it, you can find another job. I want to say that it’s okay to move on.
Admittedly, I don’t know the exact job you do or what it involves, and this advice contrasts with my own experience. I have also experienced burnout, but mine was from the inability to work rather than your issue of overwork. Before taking part in Boys II Planet, I did seriously have to consider whether I could still have a future as a K-pop idol.
But by doing well enough in it to give this industry another go, the first thing I reflected on is that I’d been too hasty in my thinking: My job isn’t just about me; the results are the combined force of many people’s efforts, and it's for the fans who love me.
If quitting your current job isn’t an option, you can think about how to go about the same job but from a different angle. As you said, it’s important to think of life as a whole and to carve out time for self-care.
When I reflect on my burnout, I wonder if some of it was to do with the fact that “human Yoo Kangmin” had been put on the back burner for “Kangmin the artist.” Since then, I’ve ensured I keep healthy by spending time doing things I enjoy, like meeting friends or just reading a book. I’ve also learned to differentiate doing those things with the sluggish, repetitive acts of playing games and scrolling on my phone all day, because those didn’t energize me.
