I was traveling from San Diego to Ventura, California, to visit my friend for the weekend. I was 18 and had never taken the train alone before, so that was a little scary in itself. It was early in the morning and no one else was really around. A couple stops later, an older man came and sat across the aisle from me.
Some time went by and I noticed his phone peeking out around the cushion, pointing toward me. Of course I started wondering: Is he filming me, or is he filming something else? My first instinct was to film him back. After I put my phone up, he slowly pulled his phone back. This kept happening — back and forth of me catching his phone aimed at me, and then him pulling it back. I kept thinking he was going to stop, but it went on for more than an hour. At one point I flipped off his camera, and he stopped for a while. I was looking out the window, thinking, “Maybe he’s done.” We were right by the water; it was a pretty view. I looked back and it wasn’t his phone pointed toward me this time — it was his eye, through the cushions. My heart jumped out of my chest. It was creepy, being watched for so long. It felt violating.
It was so stressful in the moment. I kept thinking, “What do I do?” I was texting my friends, saying, “OK, if he does it one more time, I’m going to say something.” Then I saw his phone pointed toward me again. I was scared, but I thought, “I’ve had enough.” When I got the courage to get up and approach him, I saw him zooming in on a picture of me. I was mortified. The words just came out. I said, “You keep taking pictures of me and it’s making me very uncomfortable.” He was caught off guard. In the video I took and shared on social media, you can see him kind of jump. He didn’t expect me to say anything, which is crazy — I’m sitting right there, I’m seeing him do this, and he didn’t expect me to get up! He said, “I’m sorry if you feel that way.” It seemed like he was trying to dismiss it. I said, “I just saw a picture of me on your phone.” And he just said it again. After that I said, “You need to stop that,” and kind of quietly in the video, you can hear him say, “OK,” almost like he didn’t want other people to hear.
When I got the courage to get up and approach him, I saw him zooming in on a picture of me. I was mortified. The words just came out.
I didn’t want to draw attention to myself and cause a scene. I was embarrassed. There were more people on the train by now, and I was worried about what they were going to think. I went back to my seat and completely broke down. I was hyperventilating. But all the people on the train were so supportive. The old man started packing up his stuff to move to another seat, and the man in front of him told him off and said, “You should not be doing that — that’s not OK.” Another couple sitting across from me said, “You’re so brave.” The lady behind me got me tissues. It was nice to have that support — I didn’t expect that reaction, honestly.
I recently posted a video of this interaction on Instagram, three years after it happened. I didn’t think I would ever share it — it’s not like my other content. But I’d recently shared a different video about a man catcalling me at the beach — he made a comment about my body that made me super uncomfortable — and the response to that video surprised me. A lot of people said I was being dramatic. That men should be able to approach people in public, and what has our age come to? But this happens all the time. People think that because you’re in public, they can do anything, that they have access to you. But I don’t think it’s OK to make women feel uncomfortable. I wanted to share something to show my perspective.
A lot of people really resonated with the video and started sharing their experiences as well. Some said, “Something like this happened to me once and I didn’t say something, but now I will.” And that’s exactly the reason I posted this. People don’t know what to do in that situation. It’s hard to react on the spot. I’ve thought about this a lot. Looking back, I wish I had handled things differently. Why was I so polite? I said “excuse me” and “please.” I wish I was angrier. I wish I was able to say more. But I really couldn’t toward the end — I had no words left. He was able to escape the issue so easily, to just get up and move. He probably went to another train car where nobody knew what he’d done. Maybe he sat next to another girl. Maybe if I told a train conductor, they would have reported him and held him accountable. But it’s just not something I thought about in the moment. If I had seen a video like mine, maybe I would have been able to respond sooner. But I didn’t know how to handle that situation. I think a lot of women feel embarrassed in situations like that. But I know now that it’s important to say something, even if you’re scared. Be safe, but stand up for yourself.
As told to Rheana Murray. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
Gabby Mostamand is a model in Los Angeles.
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