The man who made Ronan C famous

RONAN is not an easy name to market, so hats off to poor much-vilified Louis Walsh for successfully launching not one but two Ronans. The new Ronan is of course Ronan Collins, the portly DJ, whom Louis abrasively launched last Friday week on the agenda-setting Liveline.

Once upon a time Ronan Collins was a well-known obscurity. He spun the balls (on TV), he played golf, he played goddam awful music on his totally unmemorable afternoon show on Radio 1.

That was Ronan the unmemorable. Then he played Six's beepy-boppy-bingey cover of Guys and Dolls's seminal Seventies hit There's a Whole Lot of Loving. And for once the cuddly Royal Dublin golfer whose only previous controversy involved the free use of a smart Lexus motor from one Ben Dunne decided to editorialise. He pronounced the record dreadful.

Cue Liveline, Ronan gets Friday invite, enter a tetchy lunch-interrupted Louis and the rest is more famous than Tyson's cannibalistic lunge at Lennox Lewis.

But what is so gloriously insane about the sudden elevation of Ronan to Pontiff of pop is that: a) by his own admission he only saw one episode of Popstars (imagine his revulsion had he seen the whole series); b) he is NOT one of the legendary stickmen of rock 'n' roll; c) he did duet with Susan McCann; d) he admits to having been a showband member; e) most showbands were awful; f) and totally unoriginal; g) he was never as famous at 2FM as Gareth O'Callaghan.

Now, however, because of the fulminations of the Svengali of Six, Ronan is suddenly the man Joe rings of a Friday when he wants the nation to ponder some great issue over the weekend.

Ronan's power arises from the mesmeric influence which he and his mediocre music wield over the Women of Ireland who sit at home: their daughters will be stopped from buying Six's naff record.

Meanwhile, Ronan C's vertiginous rise to VIP able personage continues. He is now the subject of a play, Lovely Betty. It is, according to The Irish Times, an Ionescoesque play featuring three sad bedsitters who listen obsessively to The Ronan Collins Show. Some plot.

Ronan was recently on Rattlebag deconstructing the play and his inspirational role in it. It sure beats spinning balls. Still, you'd miss the Euro100,000 Lexus coming home.