It seems like the world is collectively leaving its Lover era and entering its Hater era. Instead of bonding over the things we adore — strawberry matcha lattes, Taylor Swift lore, the way dogs sigh dramatically before lying down — we’re finding common ground in the things that make us cringe.
Yep, Gen Z is back with another delightfully chaotic dating trend, and this one is called “grim-keeping.”
Grim-keeping flips the script on dating compatibility. Forget matching over favorite TV shows or whether you both like long walks on the beach. This trend is about uniting over the stuff you can’t stand. From universally annoying habits (loud chewers, bad texters, people who clap when the plane lands) to oddly specific gripes (a hatred of raisins in cookies or a deep suspicion of anyone who still uses Facebook), grim-keeping makes negativity the new love language.
What Is Grim-Keeping?
As the name suggests, grim-keeping is about bonding over the darker, pettier and often funnier side of life. Instead of listing out your hobbies or favorite books, you connect by comparing pet peeves, dislikes and straight-up deal-breakers. Think of it as anti-compatibility compatibility, a way of saying: If we both can’t stand X, maybe we’ll actually work out.
For some, it’s complaining about flaky friends, as it seems impossible to get a group to hang out nowadays. For others, it’s pointing out when people have had too much Botox or filler. We all engage in grim-keeping, not just in romantic relationships, but in platonic ones too. Many people have the basis of their compatibility in shared dislikes.
Why Gen Z Loves To Hate
In a way, grim-keeping makes sense. It echoes the old idea that you can’t measure a relationship by the good times alone, but by how you weather the bad ones. Sure, it’s fun to dance together at weddings, but will you also hold my weight at a funeral? Shared misery, it turns out, can feel just as intimate as shared joy.
And Gen Z has had plenty of practice with the “worse” part of “for better or worse.” They’ve come of age in a world that seems permanently stuck in crisis mode. Economic instability is basically the background music of their lives — recession after recession, with most people unclear on whether we’re in one right now, about to enter one, or if life itself is just one big recession. Add to that political turmoil, climate anxiety, jobs that feel impossible to land, and technology that’s simultaneously connecting and corroding relationships — and you’ve got a generation fluent in cynicism.
So, when dating, it makes sense that Gen Z might be less interested in bonding over picture-perfect highlights and more curious about how someone responds to the grim, frustrating and absurd parts of life.
“Gen Z is a generation that values self‑expression, mental health and honesty about their likes — and especially their dislikes,” explained Mila Smith, a relationship and dating coach. “Arguably the most outspoken generation yet, they don’t bottle things up — they let it out. It’s meme culture: taking the mickey out of common attitudes and behaviors.”
“Grim-keeping is often faster,” Smith added. “Finding common ground can take time because interests cover a huge spectrum — from classical music to badminton. Our list of dislikes is usually shorter and often centers on universal turnoffs like poor hygiene, bad manners or talking over others. Bonding over the darker side of life creates an instant sense of unity and belonging — a shared sympathy that can feel surprisingly intimate.”
Monica Lynne, a sex and relationship expert at the dating app Flirtini, believes Gen Z sees grim-keeping as a rebellion against the perfectly edited online existence.
“Gen Z has grown up surrounded by curated Instagram feeds and the idea of a ‘perfect’ adult life,” Lynne said. “Because of this, they tend to view polished self-presentation with suspicion. Grim-keeping works as an antidote — it normalizes, even celebrates, bonding over something negative. Complaining about slow walkers or mocking a celebrity becomes a kind of authenticity flex. By sharing their irritations, Gen Z daters reveal unfiltered parts of their worldview, which feels more trustworthy and attractive than a list of safe interests.”
Lynne adds that sharing dislikes can actually help people connect on a deeper level. “It creates a bond that mixes intensity and levity — which can feel more real than just sharing positive qualities,” she said. “When two people agree on what feels irritating or absurd, they’re creating a safe space to be their petty, weird selves. You’re essentially showing that you process the world in the same way — and that can be a stronger sign of chemistry than both liking the same TV show.”
Real-Life Daters Who ‘Grim-Keep’
Flirtini reports that grim-keeping has become a fixture on dating apps. “Instead of filling in prompts with earnest statements about hobbies, people write about their ‘icks’ and irritations,” Lynne said. “A match who responds with humor becomes a strong candidate for connection. In this way, grim-keeping works both as an icebreaker and a kind of sorting hat.”
But while this may make swiping more entertaining, does it undermine the point of these prompts? If everyone is looking for the quirkiest thing to complain about, are we actually learning anything meaningful about a person? You may both hate sparkling water (absurd as that is), but what about their values, their passions, or how they spend their weekends?
HuffPost spoke to real Gen Z daters, who asked to go by their first names to protect their privacy, about the strangely specific things they’ve bonded over, proving that sometimes shared annoyance is the fastest way to intimacy.
“We realized we both hate this one influencer on TikTok, so we’d always send each other her videos,” admits Michaela, 22. “We actually broke up a little while ago, but we still send each other the videos when they pop up on our FYP. Sometimes I’ll even check if she’s posted something new just so I have an excuse to reach out.”
“My partner and I bond over a certain someone in our group chat who always cancels on plans last minute with sloppy excuses,” reveals Flo, 28. “We even place bets on whether they’ll flake yet again.”
“My boyfriend and I get so annoyed when we’re watching a show and someone has clearly had too much work done,” adds Chloe, 26. “It always gives us a good laugh though … maybe that makes us mean?”
Is It All A Bit Too Grim?
We’re told to “always look on the bright side of life,” but grim-keeping is basically the opposite. Critics worry that it could feed into the already endless cycle of negativity we absorb from social media and the news. If your starting point in dating is cynicism, are you just reinforcing a worldview that already feels relentlessly grim instead of finding small fixtures of joy?
Smith warned that the dangers of bonding through grim-keeping are clear. By focusing on the negative, people risk overlooking the positive sides of a partner. Plus, pet peeves or shared dislikes don’t reveal deeper life values — the real foundation of lasting relationships. Core values like views on family, spirituality, career, health, money and social justice matter far more than whether you both hate the same influencer.
Lynne sees grim-keeping as a kind of honesty: “If your irritations and pet peeves are received well right off the bat, you’ve already laid the foundation for being accepted for your authenticity.”
But she cautions that it’s not enough to build a lasting relationship. “The drawback is that it focuses on petty things and negativity,” Lynne said. “Grim-keeping should be an on-ramp — a way to open up deeper conversations about what truly drives you. That way, you’re not just bonding over shared dislikes, but exploring the Venn diagram of values, beliefs and passions that creates real compatibility.”
While bonding over dislikes can feel refreshing — finally, someone else who hates that one overhyped artist or who agrees that parsley ruins everything — it’s not exactly the foundation for a lasting relationship.
Just like “freak matching,” bonding over the unique and weird things you like, it hinges on oddly specific details that may spark a connection but don’t always translate into long-term compatibility. Sure, you both hate the same “Grey’s Anatomy” character, but do you share the same values? Do you align on how you see work, love or the future? Because, ultimately, mutual disdain for Owen Hunt probably won’t get you through a mortgage or a tough breakup.