Any dog owner can attest to the personal shame that arises when you know you’re about to leave your house. You might notice your dog starting to react the moment you move through certain parts of your routine, like putting on your shoes, closing your laptop, grabbing your keys or throwing on a jacket. They may whine, bark or pace by the door as you leave.
It’s easy to feel a pang of guilt or wonder if they’re experiencing a kind of FOMO, especially when those cues usually mean you’re about to head out.
“Dogs are brilliant at spotting patterns in human behavior. They don’t just notice what’s happening — they notice what usually happens next,” explained Caroline Wilkinson, canine behaviorist at Forthglade and founder of digital pet coaching service Barket Place, who noted that they stack up cues like keys being picked up, shoes going on or a laptop closing as they try to make sense of a moment that signals change.
Dr. Matthew Murdoch, veterinarian and director of Ferndale Kennels, said that dogs are highly social animals, so being excluded can trigger a stress response similar to the way humans experience social rejection.
“If essentially they feel fear and anxiety triggered by something’s removal, they’ll exhibit all the symptoms of FAS [fear, anxiety, stress], which can be subtle body language changes like lip licking, or more dramatic or obvious behavior like trembling, barking, running in circles in a frenzy and even potentially destructive behaviors.”
FAS is a framework commonly used in veterinary care to describe a dog’s emotional state, not just what they’re doing on the surface. Murdoch noted that reactions like barking and whining are often an attempt to reestablish connection.
Why Some Dogs Struggle When They’re Left Out
“What can look like ‘FOMO’ is often a mix of learned experience, emotional association, anticipation and, potentially, unmet needs,” said Wilkinson, who noted that when a dog’s core needs aren’t being met, those moments of being left out or spending time at home alone can be harder for them to navigate.
“A dog who hasn’t had enough physical exercise, mental enrichment or meaningful social interaction might simply be bored when they’re left alone,” Wilkinson said.
As a result, barking, whining or pacing can become an outlet, while chewing or destructive behavior may act as a way to self-soothe or release stress.
“While many dogs cannot cope with social isolation and find that in itself distressing, some dogs might just be responding to an underlying ‘needs’ gap that hasn’t been addressed,” Wilkinson said.
At the same time, some of these reactions may be shaped by what’s worked for the dog in the past. Even small responses can reinforce the idea that certain behaviors lead to attention or access.
“Dogs repeat what works,” Wilkinson explained. “We might look at our dogs when they bark, open the back door for them when they whine, give a treat to them on their bed, usually to ease our guilt when they follow us before we leave the house.”
Where a dog is simply seeking interaction, they may have linked the sequence together, learning that if they bark, for example, they’re more likely to get their human’s attention again.
Another factor that shapes how dogs respond when they’re left out is age. “Puppies and adolescent dogs lack the emotional regulation skills of mature adults, making them more prone to intense responses, such as destructive chewing and vocalization, when excluded,” said Dr. Athena Gaffud, a veterinarian and medical advisor to TrustedHousesitters. “Their attachment bonds are still forming, and their tolerance for uncertainty is lower.”
At the other end of the spectrum, senior dogs, especially those experiencing cognitive decline, may become more unsettled when routines shift. “Older dogs often rely more heavily on familiar routines, and disruptions can lead to increased anxiety-like behaviors or confusion,” Gaffud said.
Simple Ways To Build More Calm And Independence At Home
“If your dog is showing signs of stress when you perform any cues that indicate you’re about to leave them, then it’s important to seek out the support of both your vet and an ethical behaviorist to help guide you through the process of building your dog’s confidence during alone time,” Wilkinson said.
That said, there are a few simple ways to start easing that tension. “Try separating the cue from the expected outcome at random times,” Wilkinson suggested.
That might look like putting on your shoes and then heading into the kitchen to cook dinner, or picking up your keys and sitting back down with a cup of tea. “Doing these ‘exit cues’ and adding in a new, random outcome can help to change the way your dog feels about them so they’re not always anticipating something negative happening afterwards,” Wilkinson added.
You can also pair those same cues with something that can help them feel more relaxed, like picking up your keys and then tossing a few treats into the yard so your dog can sniff them out.
“Scentwork is a great way to create feel-good hormones in our dogs,” Wilkinson said. “Or we might pop on our shoes, but then do a little training with our dog, meaning that sometimes now, shoes going on means interaction opportunities, rather than feeling abandoned when you leave them.”
For some dogs, it can help to create a clear signal that tells them whether they’re coming with you or staying behind. “It might be that you say a specific phrase, such as ‘be back soon,’ before any periods of absence, working slowly to build up the time your dog can cope after you’ve said those words from initial seconds, to minutes, moving towards a couple of hours,” Wilkinson said.
When dogs feel more confident about what’s happening, and what’s coming next, they’re often better able to settle, which can naturally reduce more challenging behaviors like barking, pacing or destructive chewing.
“[This is] not because we’ve punished our dog or told them to stop, but because they no longer feel the same emotional vulnerability,” Wilkinson said.