Christmas is, for most of us, The Big Holiday, and so being alone for Christmas might be unthinkable. The season, for all its fun and gluttony, comes with obligations – politely nodding at your cousin’s stupefyingly dull anecdotes; forcing a smile when your aunt deposits a second slab of her homemade Christmas pudding on your plate. And wriggling out of said obligations still comes with a not-insubstantial amount of stigma.
But it shouldn’t. This year, as in years past, a lot of people will be doing their own thing on the 25th of December, whether out of choice (they dislike their relatives, they dislike Christmas films, they have a mortal hatred of mince pies) or necessity (relatives are non-existent or too far away to visit). A solo Christmas can be challenging, especially if it’s your first time. What do you do, now you’re free of the usual holiday rituals? Whatever you want, is the answer: load up on your favourite foods; get stuck into some self-care; or even have a mindful meditation on the months past and months ahead. It’s completely up to you – but here are some pointers to help out.
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Eat something you find genuinely delicious
For thousands of years, holidays have been for feasting, and there’s no feast day that’s survived to modern times quite like Christmas. The problem is that the food you’re supposed to feast on doesn’t do it for everyone (Brussels sprouts and Christmas pudding, for example). So if you’re on your own, don’t feel the need to replicate a full Christmas dinner (unless you’re into it, of course). Hijack the American Jewish tradition of ordering Chinese takeaway. Make your favourite pasta dish with absurdly expensive olive oil. See how long you can survive exclusively on tubs of Quality Street. At a feast for one, only one person – you – gets to decide the menu.
Take extra care of yourself
That said, going full sicko mode isn’t something we’d wholeheartedly advise. It’s tempting to down a bottle of some lesser-known liqueur before passing out in front of the TV, but that doesn’t really achieve the warm wholesomeness of an ideal Christmas. Instead, says Ciana Glynn, personal trainer, health coach and founder of The Wellness Primer, get into some self-care. “Practice activities such as journaling, meditation, yoga, exercise,” she says, “or enjoy a relaxing bath with epsom salts.” This way, you’ll wake up on Boxing Day and feel human enough to enjoy that too.
Create your own traditions
Spending Christmas with others means sticking to a group schedule: presents in the morning, turkey by mid-afternoon, standing to attention during the King’s speech, etc. When you're alone for Christmas, you make the rules. Maybe you want to go watch a movie (plenty of cinemas are open on Christmas day), or treat yourself to a spa break (again, some of them will be open). “Identify what makes you feel good,” says Jade Thomas, psychotherapist and founder of Luxe Psychology Practice. “This might be exercise, getting outside, downtime watching your favourite movies, helping others, cooking. Incorporate these activities into your day, because you have full control over how you spend [it].”
Get dressed
You might not see the point of shedding your wine-stained dressing gown if you’re not going to talk to anyone all day, but good clothes make you feel good. Put on a Christmas jumper, if that’s what you’re into, or go formal with a shirt or even a suit. It’s an occasion, so dress like it.
Stay off social media
Whether your solo Christmas is voluntary or not, scrolling through Instagram and seeing big families tucking into their turkey can inevitably make you feel a little bit blue. “We can get caught up in comparisons which usually lead to spiral of unanswerable questions,” says Ben Jackson, a therapist at Counselling Directory. “Taking a step back from social media is an act of self-care.” You can doomscroll every day of the year, but your window for binge-watching Christmas films is limited.
Go on holiday, or book into a hotel
If you’re not under an obligation to attend a relative’s house for lunch, then why not think big and go away for Christmas. It gets you away from the social pressures of your immediate surroundings, and gives you a opportunity to sample the festive traditions (and food) of another country. Or, more simply, just book into a fancy hotel near where you live. It’ll be lively and social, and you won’t have to cook a thing.
Go on a long walk
There’s something in the air in December. Even if it doesn’t snow, it’s still usually nice and cold; houses are decked out in lights and Christmas trees glow in front rooms. All this atmosphere means that a big old Christmas walk can be a lovely way to spend a few hours – and, says positive psychology coach Casey Paul, “the combination of fresh air, movement, and time in nature releases endorphins, boosting your mood and energy”.
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Plan for the year ahead
Another great thing about doing Christmas alone is that while everyone else is wrestling with hyperactive, over-sugared children, or older relatives with questionable politics, you can use the time to get prepping for the year ahead. Start writing that novel. Reupholster your sofa. Learn how to play guitar. Book a holiday. You have been blessed with a window of time for whatever you so desire – use it wisely.
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There are, of course, downsides to being single at Christmas – less presents, less attention, no ready partner for mistletoe-adjacent smooching. But there are plenty of upsides too: you don’t have to buy things for a whole different family, and pretend to like all that family’s weird habits. Remind yourself that relationships don’t automatically equal emotional fulfilment. Being alone doesn’t always equate to loneliness, and vice versa. “Think about the difference between being alone vs being lonely,” says Thomas. “Being ‘alone’ is a physical state where you are physically by yourself. Being ‘lonely’ is an emotional state where you are feeling alone or disconnected from others – even when they’re right next to you.”
What if you do actually feel lonely, though?
Even if you’re someone who enjoys being alone, or has chosen to spend Christmas solo, pangs of loneliness might be inevitable when almost everyone else is surrounded by family and loved ones. “Rather than deny and suppress them,” says Jackson, “recognise whatever you notice with kindness, understanding, and without judgment”. Giving people a ring or message on the day or volunteer at a local charity if you’re after some human connection. “Lastly,” says Glynn, “enjoy the peace and quiet of solitude. It is a good way to learn to enjoy your own company if you have not already done so.” Unlike with your average, bustling Christmas, you might actually be able to put the sentiment behind “Silent Night” into action.
