Everything you wanted to know about therapy but were afraid to ask

If you’ve never stepped foot in a therapist’s office, the whole thing can make for a daunting prospect: What if they go rummaging around those parts of your mind that you’ve safely locked away? What if you emerge, post-therapy, with an entirely new personality? What if you don’t even like your therapist? What if, what if, what if? Fortunately, the purpose of therapy isn’t to completely reprogram your brain, but rather to make you better able to cope with challenges and understand yourself. You can also leave therapy or switch therapists at any point – you’re the one in control of this thing.

While therapy might not be for everyone, its benefits are well documented. One study from NHS Digital found that more than half of patients who finished a course of psychological therapy for anxiety and depression experienced recovery. Meanwhile, another study from the University of Bristol found that CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is a particularly effective treatment for those whose depression has not responded to antidepressants. There is also evidence that longer-term psychodynamic therapy, which doesn’t require anything more than a desire to know yourself better, can be profoundly beneficial. The type of therapy you go for will of course depend on why you’re there to begin with, but in general: therapy? It’s good.

Still, if you’re new to therapy, there will probably be a few questions that you’ll want answered. To save you time wading through Google links, we’ve spoken to a range of experienced psychotherapists to give you the 411 on everything therapy-related, from how much it costs to how to find a therapist that gets you.

Here is a list of your most searched queries in 2024.

• Do I need therapy?
• How much does therapy cost?
• How can I find a therapist that’s right for me?
• Which type of therapy should I go for?
• How long does it take for therapy to start to work?
• Can therapy make you feel worse?
• Will therapy help my relationship?
• Will I become a different person after therapy?
• How do I know when to quit therapy?
• How do I break up with my therapist?

If you’re in good spirits and can generally cope with whatever life throws at you, then therapy might not be necessary. Dr Dwight Turner, psychotherapist and spokesperson for the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP), says that a good way to know whether you need therapy is by asking yourself if you’re mostly happy. As in, do you feel contented a lot of the time? If such feelings are few and far between, or you very rarely feel happy, “then that could be a way of helping to understand that actually you need some help at some point,” he says.

Therapy can also be helpful during difficult periods – like when grieving, or undergoing change, or even when in a bit of a slump. “Maybe in the past you felt somewhere in the middle, where you are able to cope with certain situations through friends or your community, and yet at this particular moment in your life those structures of support are either not there or they no longer serve you in the same way,” says Dr Turner. “This could be a sign that you might need to sit down with a professional.”

The cost of therapy varies wildly. In the UK, you can get some talking therapy sessions for free on the NHS. If you live in England and are aged 18 or over, you can refer yourself for therapy via the NHS website. Or if you live elsewhere in the UK, you can ask your GP to refer you. What’s available will depend on your location, and you’ll usually have an initial assessment with a counsellor first. It’s also worth pointing out here that you won’t be seen straight away. According to the NHS website, 75% of patients should have a first appointment within six weeks of referral. 95% should have a first appointment within 18 weeks of referral. So you could be waiting for over a month.

Elsewhere, therapy costs depend – people tend to have weekly hour-long sessions, and pay per session. “On average, therapy sessions in the UK range from £40 to £150 per hour, depending on the therapist's experience and location,” says Jason Ward, UKCP-accredited psychotherapist and founder of DBT London. “While this might seem steep, consider it an investment in your overall well-being. Many therapists offer sliding scales based on income, so don't hesitate to ask about options that fit your budget. Additionally, some employers offer Employee Assistance Programmes (EAPs) that provide free or low-cost therapy sessions.”

“Finding the right therapist is a bit like dating – it's all about chemistry and compatibility,” says Ward, who suggests shopping around a bit and doing some initial consultations (it’s usual for therapists to offer a free chat before either of you commit). “Start by considering what you need help with and seek out therapists who specialise in those areas. Recommendations from friends or online reviews can be a great starting point. The UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) and the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) have listings of accredited psychotherapists on their websites, providing a reliable resource for finding qualified professionals.”

If you’re part of a marginalised group, it could be worth seeking a therapist who understands your life experience on a personal level – although if that’s not integral to you, that’s fine too. If you want to find a culturally-specific therapist, Dr Turner suggests searching through networks such as Pink Therapy (a directory of LGBTQIA+ therapists and counsellors) or the Black African and Asian Therapists Network (BAATN) (counsellors and psychotherapists of Black, African, Asian and Caribbean Heritage in the UK). “These are examples of networks which, by their very nature, provide and offer support for certain marginalised communities,” he says.

The type of therapy that you go for will depend on what it is you’re seeking help for. Therapy for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), for example, will likely be different to therapy for persistent feelings of anger. It’s also worth pointing out here that while ‘counselling’ and ‘therapy’ are often used interchangeably, they’re actually different – counselling tends to focus on short-term solutions (like grief counselling, for example), whereas therapy tends to be ongoing and more focussed on the root causes of recurring issues.

“The world of therapy is vast, with various approaches tailored to different needs,” Ward explains. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), for example, is a type of talking therapy that works to break down cycles of negative thinking. Rather than focussing on your past, CBT tends to unpack your present. “Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is great for addressing specific issues like anxiety or depression using structured techniques,” says Ward. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is essentially the same thing, but specially adapted for people who struggle with emotional regulation (like those with borderline personality disorder (BPD), for instance).

Psychodynamic therapy, on the other hand, is more like the sort of therapy we see on TV and in films. It’s a type of talking therapy that often sees the patient delving into their past or problems as a way to understand current behaviours. Plenty of therapists use a combination of psychodynamic therapy and other techniques, especially if you’re experiencing a range of issues and could benefit from multiple structural approaches. To see a full breakdown of the different types of therapy currently available and what their purpose is, it’s worth having a scan of the NHS website.

It would be nice if therapy always resulted in full recovery after exactly three sessions, but the truth is the outcomes are as unique as you are: there is no right answer or standardised expectation for how soon it will work. “Therapy is not a quick fix; it's a journey,” says Ward. “Typically, clients might start to notice changes after a few sessions, but meaningful progress often takes longer. The key is consistency and openness. Being actively engaged in your sessions will significantly impact your progress. Remember: therapy is about building a solid foundation for long-term mental health. Progress can vary from person to person, so it's essential to communicate any concerns about progress with your therapist.”

And look, therapy isn’t always fun – it takes work to see results. “As a Black, male psychotherapist, this is something I often explain to my clients, especially clients of colour who have maybe not had therapy before,” says Dr Turner. “I remind them that therapy will start to work when we have cleaned out and looked at any wounds they have. Once this process has started, then things can start to improve, slowly but surely. This is one of the reasons why I often recommend either a short-term 10-session model or, if there is something more difficult going on, that we look to work longer term with regular reviews on the work that we are doing as we progress.”

While therapy isn’t supposed to worsen your mental health in the long term, it can (and should!) be uncomfortable and confronting – especially initially. “Embarking on therapy can create conditions that lead to developing better insight and awareness,” says Hendrix Hammond, psychotherapist and spokesperson for the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP). “This process can bring you in touch with specific feelings and painful memories, and as your awareness increases, you may experience sadness, worry, anger, and confusion. This is normal and often a beneficial part of the therapeutic journey.”

Even so, if you suspect that your therapist is engaging in unethical practices – for example, breaching confidentiality or making you feel uncomfortable in a way that extends way beyond the therapy itself, then you reserve the right to report them. “Where therapy can be damaging is when something unethical is going on in the therapeutic space,” says Dr Turner. “In these instances, a client has every right to complain to a governing body – be that the UKCP or the BACP.”

This is a tricky one to answer because ultimately, it’ll depend on the relationship. But generally, good therapy tends to have a ripple effect. “Therapy helps build self-awareness, which is essential for healthy relationships,” says Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychological Clinic. “Understanding your own vulnerabilities allows you to choose how to respond rather than react impulsively. This skill has the potential to improve not only romantic relationships but also friendships, family dynamics, and workplace connections. Improved self-awareness leads to better communication, empathy, and conflict resolution skills, which can ultimately benefit every area of your life.”

If you’re having persistent issues in your relationship, however, then couples therapy might be a better fit. “Couples therapy can provide different perspectives and a deeper understanding of the relationship, which can lead to improvement,” says Hammond, “or in some cases, a decision to end the relationship.”

Some people worry that therapy might change them; that they’ll lose their sense of humour or become a less interesting, more bland version of themselves. This probably won’t be the case – but you should see some kind of personal transformation, and that’s a good thing. “I wouldn’t say you’ll become a different person,” says Dr Touroni. “Maybe a better way to put it is that you’ll become the better version of yourself. Therapy helps you better understand yourself, heal old wounds, and develop healthier ways of thinking and behaving. The goal is not to change who you are but to help you live a more fulfilling, authentic life.”

It’s not always easy to know when to quit therapy. Maybe you’ve just started digging a bit deeper and now you feel the sudden urge to run and never look back (probably a sign you shouldn’t quit immediately). Or maybe you’ve been doing it for a while and just don’t feel like it’s beneficial anymore.

“When considering whether to quit therapy, I advise clients to reflect on whether they have developed enough tools, skills and insights to better manage their relationships, themselves, and aspects of their lives as a result of therapy,” says Hammond. “If the answer is yes, it might be a good time to start thinking about winding down therapy. It's also important to involve your therapist in this decision-making process, as their support and perspective can help you arrive at a decision that works best for you.”

Firstly, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to change therapists or stopping therapy altogether. A professional therapist won’t take it personally – therapy is your own process, nobody else’s. Even so, it’s probably not a good idea to suddenly skip out instantaneously. “If you uphold a pattern of ghosting people in your relationships, then understanding the ending of a relationship in therapy can then lead to testing out a way of ending the union in a different way,” says Dr Turner.

Instead, aim to bring it up in a session, so that you and your therapist can wind things down together and formulate some closure. “I recommend having this conversation during a therapy session rather than over the phone, email, or text,” says Hammond. “Bringing it up at the start of your next session allows you to explore the process with your therapist, ensuring that you can have a closure that feels helpful and supportive for you.”

As part of our ongoing Change Is Good series, British GQ is exploring how therapy is changing our lives and reshaping the culture. Check out the full series here.