Emmerdale

Despite the fact she had been moping around like a bedraggled Bagpuss, Marlon continues to pine for Tricia; Chez Marlon wouldn't be one's first choice of restaurant venue right now. The sight of lopsided Sam Dingle striding back into the village on Monday is hardly consolation.

It's dismal stuff all round in the Dales: Pollard's ongoing shenanigans with the Dingles always makes for tedious viewing, this time involving a barn and some missing tools. Sounds familiar? With an irritation factor of 11 out of 10, Pollard occupies far too much 'plot' this week.

At least frisky pedigree palomino Tara has pranced back on the scene, this time potentially playing stud-u-like with Andrew.

With Angie continuing the thrill of taking down her particulars where Cain's concerned and their attempts at trysts increasingly foiled as the week progresses, the dark-fringed duo are in urgent need of a love nest. Perhaps they should put a card in Viv's shop.

Seeing Angie on a regular basis is evidently having an effect: there's every indication Cain is going legit.

Last week he visited the job centre, this week he splashes out on some aftershave. Even though he looks as if he never washes, at least he'll smell fragrant.

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