Emmerdale

Secrets, secrets, secrets. Another one is out. It was only a matter of time before Tricia let slip that she slept with Bernice's bisexual fiancé Gavin, and now Marlon is not very pleased, and Bernice has had a miscarriage.

There is still no sign of Tricia on Monday, and Alan and Marlon begin to regret their disagreements.

The show is stolen by Bernice (played by the always brilliant Samantha Giles), who is inconsolable with grief. Interestingly, it is Edna who reaches her, and at last it seems as if this character is being given some depth (for instance, her attempts to be witty after Jason's compliments about her humour were hilarious).

Lady Tara returns on Monday, and on Tuesday, Andrew wastes no time in negotiating a price for the stud. Don't ask me the details, though; I'm even less interested in the business of the stud than the business of the haulage yard - what happened to that, by the way?

And while we're at it, what happened to the holiday village with no holidaymakers?

Clearly Andrew doesn't know that no man sitting within three foot of Tara keeps his clothes on for long - or maybe he does.

There's the possibility of more coupling action on Wednesday, when the villagers start gossiping about Paddy and Emily, neither of whom has had sex in about two years.

If and when they finally do, that'll be something to frighten the horses.

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