EastEnders

How is Ian's chip shop surviving, given the tiny number of chips he's selling? He won't serve half the people who come in because he's fallen out with them, and the other half only come in to tell him why they're not coming in.

He managed to sell a large bag of chips (hold the front page!) to DC Burton on Monday, but this is hardly the stuff of which potato famines are made.

On Monday, the lack of sales is the least of Ian's problems, when Laura is angry over Ian's secrecy.

Ian insists that he did not shoot Phil, but on Tuesday, Laura discovers something that makes her doubt his innocence.

At last, on Thursday, we discover whodunit, and life for everyone in the country can return to normal, not least me: I've not been able to buy a pound of carrots (sorry, Belgium, I just can't do kilograms) without being given the third degree over who shot Phil.

None of this has been much fun for Lisa, who on Tuesday argues with Mark about her feelings for Phil.

Either she has the shortest memory in history, or Phil is a demon under the duvet, because how she could have any feelings left for him after what he's put her through is a mystery. Personally, I prefer to go with the demon theory.

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