EastEnders

Beppe and Sandra's violent tug-of-love over Joe reaches a messy climax today, and not just when the little 'un spills his burger all down his top while out cabbing with his dad.

After all this time, it is hard to remember who has the best case for having custody of Joe, or who's committed the most wrongs in his name.

The obvious moral of the story, however, is that he's the one they're hurting most. Where would we be without the guidance of soaps?

Elsewhere, former cutie Jamie doesn't suit his new hard-man image at all.

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