Cruel trolls who mocked my disability left me in tears... but this is how I've got my own back: TASHA GHOURI
Every Strictly star dreads the ‘wardrobe malfunction’ where a heel gets caught in a skirt, or a feather boa causes an almighty tangle.
‘Keeeep Dancing,’ is always the mantra. Tasha Ghouri did exactly that when a magnet detached itself from her head while she was mid-Samba a few weeks ago.
Thankfully it was during rehearsals. Still, she followed the unwritten Strictly rule and kept going. Such was her poise that her professional partner Aljaz Skorjanec didn’t even notice.
The magnet in discussion is not mere costume frippery, of course, but a vital component of Tasha’s cochlear implant, the device that allows her to ‘hear’ the music.
The influencer and former Love Island star – who has been regularly topping the leaderboard this year – was born completely deaf, but at the age of five an electronic implant which stimulates the auditory nerve was surgically inserted in her head.
The external part sits over her ear, attached to the internal workings via a strong magnet which – as she discovered the hard way – isn’t always strong enough to withstand the hurly-burly of the Strictly experience. When it detached she was plunged back into silence.
‘I managed to reattach it while we were dancing, and afterwards Aljaz said, “When did you even do that?”’ she explains.
‘I said, “I’ve got it all figured out.” I went straight to counting steps. I’m always thinking ahead like that. My body almost does it automatically because if that scenario happens on live TV – which is possible, especially with all the turns – you can’t just say, “Stop! We need to start again.”’
Strictly star Tasha Ghouri was born completely deaf. Credit: Elisabeth Hoff
The former Love Island star has been regularly topping the leaderboard this year. Credit: Elisabeth Hoff
To a hearing person, this sounds utterly terrifying. To Tasha, it’s one of those blips that has to be accommodated. ‘When I was doing my A-levels, something went wrong with the implant inside and I had to have an operation to replace it. It meant being fully deaf again for four months. I was taking part in a group dance where I’d already learned the routine, so I still took part – but relying on memory and counting, and the feel of the beat.’
She tells me her parents Nicky and Tarek – who had no experience of deafness and ‘shed tears’ when the news was broken that their baby daughter could not hear – noticed she responded to the beat in music, and placed stereo speakers on the wooden floor of their Yorkshire home.
‘Some of my happiest times were when I was dancing along to a Steps DVD that I must have worn out,’ she laughs. ‘I’d do the Tragedy dance, making my parents think I had some rhythm. I probably didn’t, but it was enough for them to send me to dance classes, and that became my safe space. It was an escape from school, from everything.’
Tasha, now 26, wells up a little at the mention of her childhood, and her parents, who have since told her they made all these epic decisions for her – mainstream or special deaf school, cochlear implant or not? – never knowing if she would one day resent them for those choices. They have their answer now. ‘I could not be more grateful to have had the parents I did. They were so patient. They worked so hard. For them to see that little girl who tried to dance to Steps on Strictly is the culmination of a dream, everything coming full circle.’
And how. Tasha’s parents were in the audience a few weeks back when she performed her Couple’s Choice dance, in which she told the story of her struggle and for which the judges scored her 39 out of 40. In a tearful explanation, she opened up about the trolling that went hand-in-hand with being a deaf person in a hearing person’s world.
Her dad was filmed talking publicly about Tasha’s first experience in the limelight when she went on Love Island, the first deaf person to do so. The social media trolls came out in force – many posting videos mocking Tasha’s voice, querying why it wasn’t ‘normal’.
Others questioned how interesting she was as a person – not realising the more she struggled to lip-read in group situations, the more withdrawn and exhausted she became on screen. Her dad has since confirmed he came close to removing her from the show.
She tells me that in the car heading back to the hotel after her Couple’s Choice dance, ‘when I’d come down from the high of the judges’ comments and the scores’, she tentatively looked at her social media, braced for the worst. Instead, she was stunned by the sea of encouraging messages. ‘They were overwhelmingly positive. There were comments from parents saying, “My daughter has a cochlear implant. Thank you for doing this.”
Such was her poise that her professional partner Aljaz Skorjanec didn’t even notice when a magnet - a vital component of Tasha’s cochlear implant, the device that allows her to ‘hear’ the music - detached itself from her head while she was mid-Samba a few weeks ago
With her boyfriend Andrew Le Page whom she met on Love Island, and describes as ‘the best thing to come out of it’
‘There were messages from sons, fathers, parents – some mentioning different disabilities – saying, “We felt seen from that dance.” It was extraordinary that a dance which only lasted a minute and a half could have such an impact.’
By the time she reached the hotel – where her parents and boyfriend Andrew Le Page (whom she met on Love Island, ‘the best thing to come out of it’) were waiting – she was in bits. ‘I just couldn’t stop crying. It was the most emotional I’ve been. It was a list of all the things I wanted to do. I have no tears left.’
The fact that her mum and dad were sitting together in that audience was also a factor. ‘They divorced when I was eight, so to have them together, supporting me, was everything. They kept saying how proud they were of me, and all I ever wanted to do was make them proud.’
This was clearly the polar opposite of the post-Love Island reaction, where her family’s tears were of fear and frustration. She says if there are negative comments now, she has the strength not to take them to heart. ‘If I see a negative one, I just go, “Block! Goodbye! I won’t see you again.”’
But Tasha does open up about the Love Island aftermath. ‘Everything is thrown at you after a show like that, good and bad. There was the trolling and ableism, but also the brand deals. It felt like a volcano.
‘The best was that Andrew booked a trip to Dubai for us, to get away. He was great. He reminded me, “This is why you did Love Island”, showing me I had that platform. It’s why I started doing TikTok videos to educate about deafness.’
Little wonder disability campaigners put such stock in how mainstream shows like Strictly and Love Island handle such matters. The power they wield is extraordinary. Tasha’s heroine, she says, is the deaf actress Rose Ayling-Ellis, who won Strictly in 2021. ‘She’s the reason I went on Love Island,’ says Tasha. ‘I saw it could be done.’ (Oddly, shortly after winning the show with Rose and learning about the deaf community, Strictly pro Giovanni Pernice contacted Tasha having seen her on Love Island. They dated, but the romance fizzled out due to his hectic schedule.)
Now Tasha’s deafness is celebrated on Strictly just as Rose’s was (a high point was her external cochlear device getting a diamante bling-up one week). Yet her experience on Love Island was very different. She doesn’t blame the programme makers – ‘it’s a show about finding love’ – but does say an opportunity for education about what it means to be deaf was missed.
With her proud parents Nicky and Tarek. They recall her turning her head at her first experience of hearing birdsong
Tasha is incredibly open about her deafness (which she calls her ‘superpower’), uploading social media content that puts followers in her shoes. One popular clip shows Tasha and Andrew on an aeroplane, him changing the batteries in her implant, before giving it a little kiss and handing it back to her. It is very sweet – and significant, she explains. ‘It says, “There are people out there who will accept you for who you are.”’
What is sad is that Tasha spent her early years feeling her deafness was a negative. She was born completely deaf, which was picked up by standard tests, but even before the diagnosis her parents suspected it, because she never turned her head at sounds.
Ever pragmatic, though, they started to learn British Sign Language. There were experiments with hearing aids, but when she was five they were offered the chance of a cochlear implant, which they agreed to because of the impact it could have on her speech development. Tasha was so young she doesn’t remember ‘the great switch on’, but her parents recall her turning her head at her first experience of hearing birdsong.
An implant is not an easy ‘fix’, though. The sound Tasha receives is not comparable to that of a hearing person, and has been described as robotic, akin to a radio tuned slightly off. She says for this interview, she isn’t paying attention to my voice – she’s lip-reading.
While on Strictly, her brain ‘tunes out’ voices singing, and focuses on the instruments giving the beat, ‘especially drums and guitar’. At school she relied heavily on lip-reading, which could cause problems. ‘When the teachers turned to write on a whiteboard I would struggle.’ Ditto in crowds. ‘The more people, the more difficult it is, and I can miss a lot of what is being said. I get headaches because of the strain.’
Her parents wanted her to have the most ‘normal’ education possible so opted for a mainstream school, which brought its own issues. ‘I was the only deaf student, which was hard. I had no self-confidence, no sense of who I was. I felt nobody understood me. I didn’t feel seen.’
It sounds as if she hated her deafness? ‘Yes, there was a time during my teenage years when I wanted not to be deaf. I didn’t like it. I felt ugly inside. I was shy anyway, but feeling different is so isolating.’
Bullying at school will not have helped. As with Love Island it took the form of ‘keyboard warriors’ on social media being cruel. Her parents got involved and went to the school. ‘It stopped, but I had the mindset school was only seven years, I had to put my head down. I had to leave my hometown, then things would be better.’
And that is what happened. After college she moved to London, training in commercial dance at the Creative Academy in Slough. It was a turning point. ‘I saw others like me, with implants and other disabilities. I didn’t feel as alone.’
During the pandemic, Tasha’s work as a dancer was on hold, but as things got back to normal she applied for the dating show Too Hot To Handle. Although she was unsuccessful, a producer who also worked on Love Island suggested her for it. ‘I had nothing to lose,’ she says.
Then came Strictly. Obviously her dance background has given Tasha an advantage (she points out she has no ballroom experience, though), but she admits the ‘sensory overload’ of the live shows is difficult and often naps in her dressing room before a performance. When she needs to rest her cochlear device is removed. ‘I literally switch myself off,’ she jokes.
What’s striking is how she talks about that silence. There is no fear attached – after all it is her natural state. ‘I love the silence,’ she says. ‘There is so much beauty and rawness in it. I embrace the sound and the silence, and I appreciate both.’
- Strictly Come Dancing, Saturday, 7.05pm, and the Results Show, Sunday, 7.20pm, BBC1 and iPlayer. It is Musicals Week on 30 November.
- Photographs: Elisabeth Hoff
