Abramovich needs a dose of reality

We all remember our first time.

The atmosphere, the sights, sounds

and smells.That outstanding player

who will play forever in our mind's

eye. And the result, usually a

thriller with plenty of goals.

Actually, the memory often plays tricks.

What we normally remember is not our first

time at all — more probably a 0-0 draw — but

one of our first matches, one that we expect

every game thereafter to resemble, to live up

to. Until we grow up, that is, and realise that

life and the game are not always like that.

Maybe that is what has afflicted Roman

Abramovich, still a schoolboy in footballing

terms. He fell in love with the game, we are

told, after watching Manchester United

against Real Madrid in the Champions

League four years ago when Sir Alex

Ferguson's side so nearly pulled back a firstleg

deficit. David Beckham was magnificent in

a cameo substitute appearance, scoring twice

in a 4-3 win, but Ronaldo's hat-trick enabled

Real to win 6-5 on aggregate.

The patent reality, however, is that not every

European match is like that, nor can be under

its present, tired format. For each United v

Real, there are a dozen

more like Chelsea v

Rosenborg. The former

was an epic quarter-final,

the latter a footling group

game. One involved

glory, the other was

about revenue-raising

of the sort that

Abramovich, his beancounters

and their ilk

across the continent now

need and want.

Chelsea's 1-1 draw with the Norwegians may

have been the final straw for Abramovich,

frustrated by empty seats and his side's

misfiring lapses, but he should be less naive

by now. Though Russians were involved, he is

probably not even aware that earlier that

season of 2002-03, Real Madrid were held 2-2

in the now defunct second group stage at

home against Lokomotiv Moscow when 'just'

40,000 turned up.

Presumably, he would have sacked coach

Vicente Del Bosque after that, had he been

Real's owner. Actually, Del Bosque was fired

at the end of the season after Real had failed

to win the Champions League despite shining

so brightly in Manchester. They were ousted

in the semi-finals by pragmatic Juventus, who

were beaten 3-2 on penalties in the final by AC

Milan after a very dull, goalless 120 minutes.

The moral of this little period of footballing

history? Glamour and galacticos, as Jose

Mourinho told Abramovich too often for the

owner's liking, do not necessarily bring trophies. And even with copious funds, you

cannot bend football to your will, force even

the highest paid to perform to order, the way

the controlling moneyed sometimes come to

believe should happen.

Then again, perhaps we underestimate

Abramovich. Perhaps if his side are going to

lose against the best, as his Chelsea have more

often done against Barcelona, or draw with

the mediocre, he is willing to endure it as long

as their guns blaze. In which case, he would

surely not have set a target of winning the

Champions League twice over the next six

years. It is, he should remember, five years

since Real last won the tournament and even

the most purist among their support grew

weary of stars who did not deliver trophies.

Abramovich and Chelsea cannot have it both

ways. The midweek result notwithstanding,

Mourinho would have got Chelsea through

the group stages. They are nights that simply

have to be endured sometimes under the

present system. The fact is the Champions

League has long since lost its special event

status and now breeds such matches. Its

group stages are a bore, only occasionally

featuring a significant game. At this time of year, it is television wallpaper for pubs and

bars across the world. In the end, with an odd

exception, you know who the last 16 will be as

it starts to get interesting in the Spring.

New UEFA president Michel Platini is right

to try to do something about it. His idea that

cup winners are awarded a place has been

ridiculed but at least it would bring an

element of the unpredictable to the autumn.

With the eastern European countries on

board, he has a chance of implementing the

idea come the vote in November.

If he doesn't get his way, all he will have left

to do is complain, as he did to heads of

European states last week, about the 'malign

and ever-present influence of money', to

lament that 'financial profit alone will be the

measure of sporting success'. Gordon

Brown's response was the standard, that

governments cannot interfere. Except when it

suits them, that is.

Football is always going to have turkeys for

matches, as Abramovich is coming to realise.

Gordon's PR is made for the FA

When Jose Mourinho went,

Gordon Brown was not far

behind with his eulogy. Great

character, etc.

It followed the Prime

Minister's tribute to Anita

Roddick a week earlier.

In between came the

Northern Rock crisis and

those of us with mortgages

with Newcastle United's

sponsor were deafened by the

former Chancellor's silence

on the rather more

significant matter of national

import.

Only when it passed did he

emerge smiling. With

political timing and acuity

like that, surely Mr Brown

has all the credentials to be

the Football Association's

new independent chairman,

a position advertised last

weekend.

It will probably pay more, as

well.