The common phone habit that could cost you your MARRIAGE
Whether it's sleeping in separate beds or always agreeing with your wife, there are plenty of tips and tricks to a successful marriage.
But a common habit could be destroying your relationship by making you appear 'unavailable' to your partner, experts have revealed.
In a new study, they warned about the perils of 'phubbing' – a mashup of 'phone' and 'snubbing' to describe the scenario where the person you are talking to you shuns you to look at their phone.
And if you're guilty of the behaviour it could make your loved one feel less valued over time.
'We know that everyone finds phubbing frustrating and annoying,' co–author Dr Claire Hart, from the University of Southampton, said.
'It might seem trivial, but in relationships these small moments can mount up, creating a sense that your partner's attention is elsewhere and that you're less valued.'
They discovered that people with emotional insecurities are especially affected by the practice.
But there are simple steps that can be taken to put an end to the behaviour – even if it's a subconscious habit.
Consistent phubbing can make your partner feel less valued because your attention is elsewhere, experts warned (stock image)
For the study, the team recruited 196 adults in relationships and asked them to complete a 10–day diary, detailing how often their partner had phubbed them, how they felt, how they responded and – if they retaliated – their reasons for doing so.
The diaries showed that people with high attachment anxiety reacted more strongly to being phubbed than people who are more secure.
They reported higher depressed mood, lower self–esteem and greater resentment on the days they had been phubbed.
'For people who are already sensitive to signs of rejection, this impact can be magnified, leading to cycles of conflict and withdrawal,' Dr Hart said.
These people were also more likely to pick up their phones in response to complain about being phubbed to friends and family.
Co–author Dr Kathy Carnelly said: 'We found that people with high attachment anxiety retaliated as a way of seeking connection from others when their partner seemed unavailable to them.
'They also posted or messaged to get validation from others.
'While this kind of retaliation might offer immediate comfort, it may lead to a downward spiral of poor interactions.'
People with high attachment anxiety were more likely to complain to others and confront their partner about their phone use (stock image)
People with high attachment avoidance – who are uncomfortable with closeness – were somewhat 'immune' to the impact of phubbing, the study found, and were less likely to confront their partner about their phone use.
The researchers said that choosing to be present with your partner matters more than people may realise.
'Being accused of phubbing doesn't mean you're a bad partner, but there are some simple steps that can help protect our relationships,' Dr Hart said.
'Creating phone–free zones at mealtimes or before bed and discussing phone boundaries openly can help both partners feel respected.
'If you must check your phone, acknowledge the interruption, explain why and return your attention quickly.
'Simply put, put down your phone to pick up your relationship.'
The findings were published in the Journal of Personality.
