Breaking up is hard to do

By SIMON MOON
Updated: 10:02 EST, 10 December 2004

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THE OFFICE party season has disastrous consequences for many couples. An alcohol-fuelled night out can transform a mild flirtation with a work colleague into a full-blown affair, shattering existing relationships and leading to painful break-ups.

Unmarried couples are particularly vulnerable when one half of the partnership suddenly decides it's all over. That's when they discover that, compared to married men and women, they have very few rights and little in the way of financial security.

Sandra's case is typical of many. Her dreams were shattered after living with her boyfriend for five years. 'Out of the blue, he dumped me,' she says. 'He'd met another woman so I immediately moved out. For a year I stayed with friends, sleeping on the floor if necessary, while he carried on living in our house. I suddenly had no home, but what was even harder was not having anything at all.

'We hadn't discussed how the furniture, crockery, cutlery, curtains or even the rugs would be divided. Everything stayed in the house with Adam and I was so emotional, the last thing I wanted to do was go round and face him and start trying to negotiate.'

Sandra, who had provided the £10,000 deposit, demanded half the value of their home, but Adam refused to sell. After months of wrangling she simply lost the will to carry on the struggle and settled for less than half her fair share.

If Sandra and Adam had been married the situation would, legally, have been much more clear cut. But ignorance of the rights of unmarried couples is widespread.

A recent survey by the Living Together campaign found six out of ten people wrongly believe couples living together for five years or more have the same rights as marrieds.

This week the year-long campaign, which is funded by the Government and co-ordinated by a number of voluntary organisations including Citizens Advice, launched the Living Together Agreement.

This works like the pre-nuptial contracts much loved by Hollywood stars such as Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. But the campaign is urging couples to complete an agreement even if they have been sharing a home for some time.

The agreement covers a range of issues including finances, children, the home, expenses, possessions and pensions. Free downloads, which include a step-by-step guide, have just been made available on the campaign's website.

Penny Mansfield is director of the relationship research organisation One Plus One, which recently launched a new website as part of the campaign.

She says: 'Making a Living Together Agreement can raise some difficult issues, which is why many people shy away from it. But it makes you clarify your expectations of the relationship and of each other, which is an important part of building a trusting relationship.'

For copies of the agreement log on to www.advicenow.org.uk/livingtogether.