Nicola's 9 to 5: Should I ask my hot co-worker on a date?

By NICOLA HORLICK

Updated: 06:54 EST, 1 February 2025

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Working life today is full of constantly evolving challenges and pitfalls. When is it OK to date a co-worker? Can you tell your team to get back into the office five days a week?

Whether you're a baffled Boomer, a muddled millennial, or a confused Gen Z-er, our brilliant columnist Nicola Horlick can help.

Dear Nicola,

During the Christmas break, I found myself thinking almost obsessively about a colleague. I have always thought the guy to be rather hot, but I now realise that I am seriously attracted to him and would like to start a relationship.

So far as I know, he's not attached: we speak in the kitchen while making coffees. But the place where I work tends to frown on office relationships (there have been problems in the past and a scandal that made it into the newspapers).

I suppose I could just keep on lusting from afar. Unless, that is, you can suggest a way for me to suggest a coffee outside the office or a drink to see how he may feel and how we could start something. I like my job and would like to progress to a more senior role.

Yours, Victoria

Dear Victoria,

I really do object to employers trying to prevent colleagues from starting romantic relationships. We are all human and it is inevitable that there will be attraction between co-workers.

Yes, it can be awkward if one or both are already in a long-term relationship, but that shouldn't mean the unattached should be prevented from making connections at work. I have mentioned before that a YouGov poll in 2020 found that 18 per cent of married people met their partner at work.

Of course, just because the man is unattached doesn't mean he is as attracted to you as you are to him. You should definitely go out for a coffee or drink to find out if he shares your feelings.

If not, there isn't an issue. If he does, I feel you should defy the company frowning on office relationships and give it a go. After all, if you haven't met a life partner at school or university, it is bound to be the case that work is one of the most likely places to meet.

You talk of an office scandal that hit the papers, but I doubt that two single people falling in love would be of any interest to anyone. Most people love happy endings, so let's hope that it all works out for you.

Yours, Nicola

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