The 'Tuesday sex' trick that could save your relationship: Intimacy co-ordinator for racy scenes in Normal People and Sex Education shares her insider tips for couples
- Ita O'Brien is one of the industry's leading movement and intimacy directors
- READ MORE: Britain’s first ‘intimacy coach’ taught the stars of new BBC drama Normal People how to get physical. But with social distancing here to stay, she raises an intriguing question
Britain's first intimacy coordinator has revealed how 'Tuesday sex' could prolong the honeymoon phase of your relationship in a new book.
Ita O'Brien, whose credits include the hit BBC drama Normal People and Netflix's Sex Education, has developed a guide for deepening connection and pleasure in readers' personal lives based on her experience choreographing on-screen sex scenes.
The 350-page manual includes several guided exercises for readers to try at home, as they explore myths and misconceptions about sex that might be detracting from the overall experience.
For instance, the idea that making love is not as special if it doesn't come with the 'bells and whistles' like fancy lingerie, mood-setting music, or a romantic setting.
Couples in long-term relationships need to get comfortable with 'Tuesday sex' that feels 'part of your routine' - as opposed to 'Disney World sex' - because that is key to 'cementing a regular connection and strengthening emotional ties'.
Recalling a conversation with American psychoanalyst Dr Orna Guralnik, Ita explained: 'Tuesday sex is the kind of weekday sex that establishes a connection with a partner; an intimacy that preserves your relationship and feels part of your routine rather than something mind-blowing and special.
In an excerpt from Intimacy, as seen by MailOnline, Ita noted how Hollywood is obsessed with 'Disney World sex' that is often hinged on 'super fantasies about what is supposed to happen' during a sexual encounter.
Commenting on Hollywood's obsession with portraying the myth of perfect, unmessy sex, Dr Orna told Ita: 'It could be tremendously good for people to be located in the reality of their own body, and their partner's body, not mediated through all of these super fantasies about what is supposed to happen.
Britain's first intimacy coordinator has revealed how 'Tuesday sex' could prolong the honeymoon phase of your relationship in a new book
A still from Normal People
'They are actually distancing.'
Leaning into the concept of 'Tuesday sex' or mundane, everyday intercourse with a partner you love and trust can result in a happy relationship with contented partners who value each other.
Like one of Ita's friends, who reportedly 'made it a policy always to have sex when their partner offered' so she never missed a 'single opportunity' to be intimate with her lover who, she reasoned, 'might not be asking in another 10 years' time'.
'The result was one of the happiest relationships I have ever seen.'
According to Ita, some of the most 'damaging' ways in which sex is depicted on-screen include the lack of lubrication and the speed of the female orgasm as she noted many 'don't have an orgasm via penetration in any case'.
In an interview with The Times in 2023, Ita defended the role against criticism from actors who have said it removes spontaneity from the scenes.
In February 2023, Sir Ian McKellen slammed 'irrelevant' jobs such as intimacy coordinators for ruining the 'purity' of modern theatre.
The legendary actor said there are too many people 'getting in the way' of performers today.
Ita's new book 'Intimacy' is a 350-page manual for deepening connection in sexual relationships includes several guided exercises for readers to try at home
He singled out intimacy coordinators suggesting that directors could do the job just as well.
The rise of intimacy coordinators has sparked debate, with Dame Emma Thompson hailing their work as 'absolutely essential' following McKellen's comments.
Speaking to Andrew Marr on LBC, Dame Emma, 63, dismissed Sir Ian's remarks, saying: 'It's all very well, if you're a bloke it's a different kind of thing.
'I think if you're a young woman on a set, which is largely peopled by men, the crew will be 90 per cent men and the women won't be on the set with you, because generally speaking we do not have parity on any level on film sets, it's all men.
'And that's a very uncomfortable position for a young woman who's starting in the industry, but it is absolutely essential that there is someone there to protect them.
'Absolutely essential.'
Sean Bean, meanwhile, felt that intimacy professionals could 'spoil the spontaneity' of sex scenes.
While other female members of the industry, including Rachel Zegler, criticised Bean's comments.
Aimee Lou Wood and Connor Swindells in a still from Sex Education
Gillian Anderson and Bridgerton star Rege-Jean Page have also previously praised intimacy co-ordinators for their work in on-screen productions.
While Daryl McCormack revealed how he and co-star Dame Emma prepared for the racy sex scenes in their latest film, Good Luck To You Leo Grande.
In her foreword for Ita's new book, Sex Education star Gillian wrote that her collaborator's expertise depicting sex on our screens can also radically transform the quality of people's intimate relationships off-screen.
Gillian, one of the industry's most sex-positive voices, added: 'I was struck by how her presence transformed what had historically been one of the most vulnerable and potentially problematic aspects of performance into something safe, empowering, and indeed collaborative.'
Intimacy by Ita O'Brien is published by Penguin Random House and is out now.
