'I thought we'd be travelling to the moon by now': Inside the head of... Kevin McCloud
What is your earliest memory?
Rocking on my rocking horse when I was about two years old and seeing my brother in his pram. As most things I owned were made in the 18th century, it was a proper old-fashioned toy – wooden, painted grey, with a horsehair mane and tail.
What sort of child were you?
I was such a nerd. I was very shy and bookish, reading encyclopaedias and books about engineering, some of which I learned off by heart. I rode a girl’s bike, which did nothing for my reputation among my friends as the token effeminate.
Who would play me in the film of my life? Ralph Fiennes. He could imbue my life with the sophistication, confidence and charisma I lack
Tell us a secret about yourself
I designed the fruit and vegetable ceiling in the Harrods food hall. We got the idea from the ceramic pattern in the Palazzo Reale in Madrid and studded it with pears, cabbages, oranges and bananas. It was Baroque nonsense, really.
I also collect colour pigments. I have about 200 in little jars. Occasionally I allow myself to use a bit of 17th-century azurite or verditer green.
What has been your most embarrassing moment?
My experience as a presenter has taught me that walking and talking at the same time is quite hard. I was walking down a path in the Brecon Beacons while filming Grand Designs and I fell over in the middle of a cue to camera and literally slid out of view. Luckily, I have friends in editing suites who make me seem erudite and witty.
Describe the best night of your life
On my tenth birthday my dad took me to see the sci-fi film 2001: A Space Odyssey at the Odeon in Luton. For me the space race and the wonderful exciting future that was being foretold in this film was my future 2001. I thought we’d be travelling to the Moon by now.
What’s the worst job you’ve ever done?
There’s no such thing. I spent a day as a dustman in India and you’d think that would be the most disgusting job in the world but I discovered that any gig is good if you can have a laugh with great people.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Ralph Fiennes. He could imbue my life with the sophistication, confidence and charisma I lack.
What is the best kiss you’ve ever had?
The first one. It was with a girl called Helen Wright when I was about 11. She was in my class at school and we kissed on the bench by the village pond.
What law would you change if you could?
I’d make Caroline Lucas, the Green Party’s only MP, prime minister. I’d also like to see a new department for conservation and sustainability, two big agendas which have been really been sidelined by this government.
What is the worst pain you have experienced?
Kidney stones. People say it is more painful than childbirth and I’d guess that is correct.
When did you last cry?
At the end of Lassie Come Home. I tend to well up at anything that takes me back to my childhood. Fred Astaire films and Thirties musicals get me going too.
Who would be your dream dinner date?
The 17th-century designer and architect Inigo Jones. He designed the Queen’s House in Greenwich and the Banqueting House in Whitehall. He came from a very humble background but rose through the social ranks, doing the Grand Tour and also spying for Britain thanks to his knowledge of Italy. I’m sure he’d be a hoot.
If you could go back in time where would you go?
To the 12th century to see cathedrals like Salisbury, Canterbury and Notre Dame being built. It was a time of fantastic change in the way people thought and designed.
Which living person do you dislike the most and why?
I’m not a fan of Brexiteers.I was appalled by the way the opportunity to vote about a serious issue was hijacked by the protest vote.
What’s the one thing every man should know about women, and vice versa?
I’ve got a parable for this. A friend has got a really good relationship with his wife and they have a simple mantra, which says he is allowed to go absent without leave once a day and she is allowed to change her mind for no reason once a day. It seems to work.
What is your guilty pleasure?
Driving a 1957 Alfa Romeo around Goodwood race track and opening a really great bottle of claret afterwards.
What song do you want at your funeral?
Dido’s Lament from Purcell’s Dido And Aeneas. I’d persuade a couple of old friends of mine who are singers to perform it. But that’s incredibly vain, isn’t it?
‘Grand Designs Live’ runs from April 29–May 7 at London ExCel granddesignslive.co.uk
