Couples get only 10 hours quality time

By DAVID WILKES, Daily Mail

Last updated at 11:28 08 April 2004


The astonishing extent to which work dominates our lives and relationships was revealed yesterday.

An average Briton in a 48-hours-a-week job spends just ten hours of 'quality time' a week with a partner or spouse, says a survey.

Quality time means an uninterrupted period together when you have the chance to talk and share your feelings.

During a working life of 45 years, you are likely to spend only two and a half years of quality time with your partner, but 12 years with colleagues.

As a result, workmates rather than husbands and wives are increasingly becoming the people we turn to for a shoulder to cry on or to share our deepest thoughts and fears with.

'Sad fact of life'

Around two in ten women and a similar number of men confide in their colleagues more than in their partners, the survey of 4,000 people aged 30 or over found.

One in seven said they know their workmates better than they know their partner, while nearly one in five believes workmates know more about them than their spouses or lovers.

Relationship experts called the findings a 'sad fact of life', while psychologists warned that being deprived of time with your family increases stress levels.

Marriage guidance counsellor Denise Knowles, of Relate, said: 'The balance between work time and family time is increasingly getting out of kilter.

'It's getting to the point where couples need to get out their Filo-faxes and palm-tops to arrange a day when they agree to do something together regardless of work demands. It may sound clinical, but that needs to be done if they are to keep their relationship healthy.

'Couples are also often too tired to talk about what's bothering them when they come home. People should try to keep 15 minutes free a day to catch up with each other.'

Wilting love

Five out of ten of those surveyed said they need to make an effort to put the spice back in their relationship - blaming work, the children and housework for their wilting love.

The survey was based on the average Briton who works a 48-hour week, gets five weeks holiday a year and works for 45 years.

The figure of two and half years for total time spent with our partners does not include weekends, holidays and time spent asleep.

A spokesman for travel firm Warner Breaks Just For Adults, which commissioned the survey, said: 'It's surprising how little time partners get to spend together after all the other things that need doing in life.'

Quality time

Psychologist Gladeana McMahon, co-director at the Centre for Stress Management, said: 'Working couples in particular need to capitalise on the quality time they have with their families. Your family is the biggest stress management tool you have.'

One man who may agree with this is Alan Milburn - who says his life has become a 'million times better' since he quit as Health Secretary last June to spend more time with his family.

In a speech today, he will say: 'Reconciling a demanding 24-hour-a-day career with anything remotely resembling a normal family life had become, for me at least, impossible.

'The time I had at home was more snatched than quality time. In the end, something had to give.'

Addressing the Demos think-tank, the Labour MP will call on ministers to publish a 15-year plan for helping families achieve a balance between work and home life.

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