My secret fantasy appalled my husband... and it has revealed an irreparable rift in our marriage: DEAR JANE

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Dear Jane,

I have always been a career-driven woman, in fact, it's one of my husband's favorite things about me.

But lately, I've felt like the corporate world just isn't for me, and seeing women on social media embrace being homemakers has made me realize something.

I kind of like the idea of being a stay-at-home wife - a tradwife, if you will.

Cooking, cleaning and taking care of our home life seems like the ultimate dream - no coworkers and no boss to answer to!

We don't have children and are currently a dual income household, but my husband makes enough money to support both of us easily. So, I thought it was a great idea (after all, my career will still be there if I decide this ultimately isn't for me).

But here's the problem: when I told my husband I wanted to quit my job to stay at home, he did not agree with me.

He told me he would never 'allow' me to do that and asked where my 'ambition had gone.' How offensive!

I couldn't believe that was his response - and it's made me rethink our relationship.

How can I be married to someone who doesn't support me?

And frankly, I don't think that I need his permission - it's my life and I can do what I want with it. But I worry if I quit my job, it will cause an irreparable rift in our marriage.

Do I quit anyway, or do I respect his wishes?

Sincerely,

Aspiring Tradwife

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column

Dear Aspiring Tradwife,

While I applaud your confidence in telling your husband that you want to stay at home, I'm not sure I understand your outrage.

If I'm to understand correctly, you believe that you get to decide whatever you do with your life, without taking your partner's needs or wants into consideration and, further, you expect him to pay for you.

You don't seem to have the money to support yourself. If you had accumulated great savings and you and your husband agreed to your big life choices, that would be one thing.

But to unilaterally decide to do something and then expect your husband to pick up the slack?

Frankly, there's already an irreparable rift in your marriage - and it is caused by your behavior, which seems selfish, immature and entirely solipsistic. 

Marriage is a partnership. You don't always have to agree on everything, but you do have to work together to find a compromise.

I'm also not sure how or why a 'career-driven woman' suddenly decides that cooking and cleaning is going to be equally fulfilling. It may feel relaxing for a few weeks, but is unlikely to last.

It strikes me that this seismic decision may be driven by something you're not saying. You may be exhausted, may well need a break. Perhaps it is stress that is causing you to act in this way.

All of this may come into perspective if you can take some sort of sabbatical.

But I promise you, if you have always been a woman who is ambitious, it is highly unlikely you're going to find a way to channel that by becoming a 'tradwife' with no children nor purpose. 

It's not offensive that your husband is asking where your ambition has gone. It's actually wise. 

Indeed, you need to figure out where it has gone and what is going on in your life that is making you to want to run away.

Dear Jane,

My roommate recently got a new boyfriend - and he's basically moved in with us.

Let's just say, three's a crowd in our tiny apartment.

His stuff is everywhere, he takes up the whole couch, he's in the way when I want to make dinner and, to top it off, she often leaves him in our apartment alone when she goes to work. Talk about awkward for me!

I barely know the guy - they've only been together for two months - but he basically feels like another roommate.

I let it slide at first because she's obviously happy, but what started as him sleeping over a few nights a week has turned into him practically living with us without chipping in for groceries, rent or electricity.

I had decided that, because I hadn't objected before, it might be too late now.

But one day I came home early from work to find him in our apartment without her. When I asked how he got in, he informed me my roommate had given him a key.

We barely know the guy and he has a key.

Nothing against him because I'm sure he's nice and all, but I don't exactly feel comfortable with a man (who is basically a stranger) having access to our home. Never mind the fact she didn't ask or even tell me about this.

I don't want to burst her bubble, but I find this unacceptable - and I worry if I tell her it will damage our relationship as both friends and roommates.

Is there a way to tell her to revoke his key access and express my concern without angering her? Or is it too late?

Sincerely,

Roomie Rift

Dear Roomie Rift,

The problem with setting boundaries is that sometimes we upset people and, sometimes, those people don't want to be in our lives anymore.

But if we're going to protect our peace, and not go through each day simmering with anger and resentment, we have to be okay with people not liking us.

It's one of the hardest universal truths - particularly for women, who have more of a tendency to people-please.

Instead of clearly saying no to behavior that is unacceptable to us, we say nothing because we don't want to damage relationships.

But it's far more damaging to keep quiet. In doing so, your own resentment will build until you explode in frustration, undoubtedly saying all the things you've been trying to keep to yourself, and then the friendship really will be over.

Talk to to your roommate. Tell her that you like him, that you're happy for her, but that you didn't sign on for two roommates and you are not comfortable with a man having access to your home.

There will always be a solution. Perhaps you will both end up agreeing that rooming together is no longer an option.