My family say my three wedding day demands are outrageous and make me a 'bridezilla'... but I don't care: DEAR JANE

By JANE GREEN

Published: | Updated:

Dear Jane,

My black-tie wedding is in about six months and I just sent out the official invites.

I thought they were clear: no casual attire, no kids and no plus-ones unless explicitly allowed.

I didn't think those stipulations were all that controversial – I mean, how hard is it to find a proper outfit and a babysitter? Most of my loved ones live in the area, so it's not like it's a destination wedding.

But apparently, I'm asking for too much – at least, according to my friends and family.

I've had disgruntled cousins calling to complain that they can't bring their toddler to my big day. Friends have texted begging me to bring a plus one. Other guests have sent me an angry message about how dare I require people to buy new clothes for the event.

One person even told me they'd be bringing their kid anyways.

It's infuriating.

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column

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Dear Jane...

Frankly, it's my day. I can choose what I want and who attends. 

I don't want my friends' short-term boyfriends to be in the photos I'll cherish forever - and I definitely don't need a child throwing a tantrum while I'm saying my vows.

If they don't want to abide by my rules, then I want to tell them not to come. But I also know that if I try to explain this to my guests, they'll call me a 'bridezilla' and say that I'm too picky.

How do I respond to those messages without offending people and ruining relationships? Or is there no other option?

Sincerely,

Proud Bridezilla

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column

Dear Proud Bridezilla,

There is nothing wrong with wanting the wedding that you want. Frankly, nothing you have requested seems unreasonable, even though people may think otherwise.

But it doesn't really matter what they think, nor should you get into any kind of debate with them - it will only inflame the situation.

The way to enforce a boundary is by staying as neutral as you can and repeating your message with kindness, but without any invitation for further discussion.

If people start to push back, simply tell them that you will miss them if they can't make it. That puts an end to any kind of debate and makes it not only clear and simple, but also drama-free.

Because it's not setting the boundary that invites drama, but how you state it. 

You could also send out a short message saying that you know weddings have a lot of logistics so want to clarify: you're having a black-tie, adults-only wedding and are only able to accommodate the guests listed on the invitation.

Follow up by saying that you completely understand this may not work for everyone, and that if they decide not to attend, you can celebrate together another time.

You will also have to accept that you can't please everyone all the time.

Trying to do so never works and will only end up impacting you.