I read my boyfriend's texts to another 'woman'... then his cheating took a truly unbelievable twist: DEAR JANE
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Dear Jane,
I recently discovered my boyfriend has been talking to another woman.
I was borrowing his laptop and happened to look at some of the tabs that were open and one of them revealed a lengthy exchange between them.
The messages ranged from mildly flirtatious to downright X-rated but when I confronted him about it, he was unapologetic and insisted that he wasn't cheating.
The woman, it turns out, isn't real – she's an AI chatbot.
He told me that when he's bored he goes online to talk with her 'for fun' - just like playing a video game - and assured me that I am the one he loves.
But I'm having a hard time looking at him the same way. Honestly, it's made me question our entire relationship. Why does he feel the need to talk with an imaginary woman when he has a real life one right here?
Even if he doesn't see it as cheating, and wasn't behaving maliciously, it still feels like an emotional betrayal and I'm unsure I'll be able to get over it.
Is this something to end a relationship over?
Sincerely,
Chatbot Cheating
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Chatbot Cheating,
I just listened to a podcast about how people, many of them married, have relationships with AI chatbots.
In fact, there was a news story recently about a woman, already married in real life, who went on to marry her much more handsome, much more perfect AI boyfriend.
As a bit of a Luddite, I admit I'm a bit flummoxed by all of this.
Whenever I use ChatGPT, as helpful as I think it is, I am very aware that it seems to think everything I type is utterly brilliant and constantly praises my intelligence.
It's ridiculously flattering and it's easy to start believing that you are, in fact, as wonderful as AI seems to think you are.
Which is, I'm guessing, the allure of the romantic chatbot.
It's pure fantasy.
This AI is not picking your boyfriend's dirty socks off the floor, or furious at him for leaving all the plates in the sink again even though you ask him - on a daily basis - to put them in the damn dishwasher!
Your boyfriend is playing in a fantasy world where this online-generated woman is seeing him as the perfect man and engaging in flirty, dirty chat, that he doesn't think is a threat to you.
But the disparity between how the AI companion makes him feel, versus how you do, is indeed an issue.
If you can understand why he adores the validation this bot is giving him, then you can perhaps help him understand how problematic this is to his actual relationship.
So, no, I don't think you necessarily need to break up with him. But you do need to explain to him how all of this makes you feel. What he chooses to do after will give you the answer you're looking for.
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