Will ousted MPs find another cosy berth?
'Open to job offers': Geoff Hoon
Senior Labour MPs are strapping on the Mae Wests. Six 'recent and serving' Cabinet ministers are said to be talking to headhunters in the hope of finding employment after the General Election.
The only problem for them is that some of London's best headhunting firms are run - oh no! - by formidable Tory women.
A City source describes a dinner at the Labour party conference in Brighton a few weeks ago at which Geoff Hoon, former Defence Secretary, Leader of the Commons and Transport Secretary, disclosed he was in the market for job offers.
Mr Hoon, who at present intends to stand for re-election as an MP next year, told me: 'I have been approached by a number of headhunters.
It has not led anywhere yet, though there was one concrete invitation that I chose not to pursue. One or two law firms have approached me, too.'
John Hutton, another former Defence Secretary, has also been connected with private-sector jobs.
My man in the Square Mile goes further, saying that at least another four Cabinet-level figures, including serving ministers, are touting their CVs around London.
Vacancies for former ministers are not as plentiful as of old. The recession has not helped. Several quangos are about to be zapped.
Industry may want politicians with Tory rather than Labour links. Furthermore, non-executive directorships (worth £30,000 to £60,000 a year) nowadays demand greater expertise than, say, ten years ago.
Board jobs can also be risky, as the Tories' Lord Wakeham discovered at Enron. When it went bust, his reputation was spattered.
Oxford and Cambridge colleges use headhunters to find new Masters. This may be the most fruitful area for Cabinet ministers.
The awkward thing for Labour grandees is that some of the top headhunting firms are in nimble Conservative fingers.
Carolyn Portillo, wife of Michael, is a big shot at Spencer Stuart. Ffion Hague, wife of William, works at Leonard Hull.
Lady Bottomley, former Health Secretary, stares down imperiously from Odgers Ray & Berndtson. Yikes.
Atten-shun! Present, um, arms...
Here is the Queen's bodyguard as you may not have seen them before - at the St James's Palace urinals.
The picture is by artist Jeremy Houghton, who was last year invited to paint the Gentlemen At Arms (as they are called) for their 500th anniversary.
Houghton, 35, did various pictures of the chaps in their finery and was allowed to 'follow them everywhere'. He took them at their word.
Nature calls: Queen's bodyguards visiting the urinals
The moment shown here was just before the Queen inspected her official bodyguard and presented the Gentlemen with a new standard.
The picture will be part of a forthcoming exhibition at Eton.
The guilty men shown presenting more than their arms are, left to right: Major Willie Peto, Lt Col Rory Ingleby-Mackenzie MBE, Col Sir Brian Bartelot Bt OBE, Col Peter Flach MBE, Major Oliver Howard and Major Charles Macfarlane.
Stop whining about the wine
Law Lords have been complaining about the alcohol level in wine
At the House of Lords, they fretted about the high alcohol content of wine. Many are 13 per cent (against the 11 per cent of old).
Government minister Lady Thornton, a former PR woman who once ran the Fabian Society, dribbled on about her desire to 'increase the scope for de-alcoholisation of wines'.
From the backbenches came quavery cries of: 'Nooooo!'
For the record, the House of Lords dining room serves a frisky sauvignon with an alcohol rating of 12 per cent, a chardonnay (for those whose taste runs to that sort of thing) at 12.5 per cent and a big, butch claret at 13.5 per cent.
A perfect anaesthetic for anyone who is about to go and listen to Lady Thornton.
-------------------------------------------
Mister Squeaker John Bercow, he of the short stature and juvenile orotundity, yesterday chaired a meeting of the Youth Parliament.
Could anyone tell him apart from the delegates?
The lunacy of modern government
Here is a little vignette of the lunacy of modern government.
Somerset County Council set up a company called SouthWest One to be a 'one-stop shared services shop'.
A great big procurement exercise, in other words. Its board includes Chief Constable Colin Port.
Local MP Ian Liddell-Grainger reports that SouthWest One is late filing its annual accounts.
As a result, it will probably be fined. So, officialdom is fining itself and public money is going from one pot to another.
If they fall really badly behind with their accounts, presumably the police may become involved. Perhaps Chief Constable Port will have to arrest himself.
Cameron's news conference 'double entendre'
There was a stir at David Cameron's news conference this week when he seemed to say he would take the next question from 'The communist at the back'.
Was he referring to the man from the Guardian? Not quite, though the reporter in question was wearing a brown corduroy jacket. It turned out Mr Cameron had, in fact, said 'The Economist at the back' - that being the publication the brown corduroy was representing. Communist. Economist. Frequently much the same thing.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How casually they spend our money. The Department of Culture has just tweaked its logo. 'There was a need for a brand refresh,' said minister Gerry Sutcliffe. The cost of this 'brand refresh'? A cool £24,315. Designers' squiggles do not come cheap.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After reversing a decision on the Territorial Army, Gordon Brown was accused of a U-turn. Given the military aspect, would this not more accurately have been described as an about turn?
