The poll that dare not speak its name
Last updated at 15:57 06 May 2004
The first question many people will be asking about the referendum that
dare not speak its name is: What is he up to this time?
The obvious answer is that he wants to spike Michael Howard's guns. But
when Tone goes all mock-Shakespearian ('Let the battle be joined') we may be
sure there are hidden shallows beneath the rousing words.
'Let the Eurosceptics make their case. Let those of us who believe in
Britain and T
to be swirling about like bats for the next 18 months.
Perhaps the idea is to bore us all into submission.
There is certainly the scope for it.
Can you honestly say that ever since the European Union was a simple
Common Market - the supranational equivalent of a roadside fruit and
vegetable stall - you have heard one single speech to inspire you to fly the
EU flag with pride? (Or, indeed, at all - it's probably against the council
planning regulations.) Tony Blair will be making much - is already making
much - of the urban myths of Europe: straight bananas, driving on the right
and all that. Well, it often turns out that some of these myths are less
mythological than others.
But at least they're interesting they work up a fine head of indignation
whenever they come our way.
But, for all that the Referendum isn't about staying in or pulling out,
many of us would welcome the opportunity to say: 'Thus far and no further.
In fact, while you're about it back a bit.' Enlargement - Europe expanding
like some raffish basement drinking club to accommodate any country that
cares to join - is another of those bat-like words flitting over the crescent
moon.
'Because of enlargement, Europe is sensibly seeking to change the way it
works,' says Tony. Why not: 'Because of enlargement, and its policy of
inviting in countries most of us have never heard of, Europe is already too
big. What is Europe, because above all we believe in Britain, make ours . .
.' This last sentence doesn't make sense. If we believe in Britain 'above
all', it can hardly be because we believe in a Britain in Europe. But if it's
sense we're looking for, we've come to the wrong shop.
A poll yesterday gives a 'No' vote of 97 per cent. Not so much joining the
battle as starting a massacre. But what's the question?
We know it's all about the new EU constitution, but how many of us know
what that is when it's at home? For ten points, what is subsidiarity?
Intergovernmentalism?
Let's face it: you don't have to be politically illiterate not to be able
to recognise a subsidiarity even if it came up and bit you in the leg. And
yet such weasel words are going The that not its
the object of all this ceaseless expansion?' Still, it may never happen. I
don't mean an expanded Europe may never happen - it already has, in spades.
But the Referendum may never happen. If only one of the 25 EU members gives
the thumbsdown to the European Constitution, it goes on the backburner.
Tone says this would make no difference to his referendum.
And was that a flying porker I saw overhead, mingling with the bats?
Accepting his award for one of the world's top ten restaurants,
Heston Blumenthal, owner of the Fat Duck restaurant in Bray, Berks, had this
to say: 'We are part of a growing group of chefs, scientists and
psychologists which is looking at food and the way that we eat from a
different angle, the approach being more holistic and with new controlled
experimentation that does not automatically take historic kitchen lore and
tradition for granted.'
It's a long way from egg and chips. But he will serve
you smoked bacon and egg ice cream for your dessert.
It all sounds like pretentious tosh to me. And half-baked tosh at that.
I used to frequent a small latenight caff in Soho which was much used by
the chefs of some our swisher eating houses. To a chef, they would order
themselves a sausage butty or ham and eggs.
Cheap and cheerful scoff which they would never dream of serving to their
customers.
Bacon and egg ice cream, indeed.
