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I’ve been working here since George W. Bush was President. (Terrifying thought.)
When I was 14, MTV came to my house because I was one of Britney Spears' biggest fans. (I was one of the first people to call Justin Timberlake a “slimeball” on national TV and you can watch that bit of history here.)
In 2014, I lost my cellphone in a bar. Weird selfies of a man in China posing with an orange started showing up on the new one. I went to China, became a celebrity there, and found a friend for life named Brother Orange. (Read about that here.)
My favorite food is cake. (Vanilla cake with vanilla buttercream frosting.)
I hate, hate, hate motorcycles. (Loud and annoying.)
My hobby is making extremely specific Spotify playlists. (These include: Songs every Catholic knows even though you never paid attention in church, Songs that start with a man moaning, and Songs closeted gay boys and middle aged women in loveless marriages listened to in minivans.)
My biggest fear? Ghosts and monsters. (Hate 'em.)
Now imagine getting that all home.
"This is somehow sadder than I thought it would be."
Justice for "The Hottie & the Nottie."
But really, I need to know who that woman is.
1/5 stars all around for Melania.
They should've known about Scotland, c'mon now.
"Drop this as a collection and we can fund universal childcare."
"Might go watch Melania's documentary at the theater so I can spend some time alone."
"We are involved in conflicts I never even knew about."
"They're totally winging it."

米ユナイテッド航空のファーストクラスを利用した乗客が、機内食の写真を公開。「悲惨な料理」とつづり、ネットで議論が巻き起こっています。ユナイテッド航空はその後、謝罪のコメントを発表しました。
One more step closer to a Cheesecake Factory.
1/5 stars all around for Melania.
She's been wanting to say that for a while now because Stephen Miller...really?!
"Drop this as a collection and we can fund universal childcare."
Yeah, this whole protein in everything thing is never going away.