Love, Despite

March 19, 2015 — Leave a comment

Before I married my husband, I told him to make sure that he was marrying me for who I was that day, and not for any future changes he hoped to have wrought in me through the “transforming” power of marriage. Though we were both young, I had seen enough unhappy marriages to make me wary of the institution, and who wants to be institutionalized, really? I had no question that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but I wanted us to start off with as little illusion as possible. I wanted to know that he saw me, and not some airbrushed version of a girl to be placed on a pedestal. It is easy to fall in love if you believe all the fairy tales and movies. Beautiful women with flowing hair and flawless skin meet muscled men with pure hearts and chivalrous intentions and they ride off to his manor with servants aplenty…

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I stand quietly

March 19, 2015 — Leave a comment

Dirty, Naked & Happy

I stand quietly while you do somersaults on the bed as you aren’t being naughty, you are just trying to get your out of sync body under control.

I stand quietly by the toilet door every time you need to go, and come with you around the house, and sometimes even just across the room, because I know you can feel truly frightened when you are not near me.

I stand quietly at the supermarket checkout while everyone stares at you barking like a dog and blowing raspberries on my arms to cope with the buzzing lights.

I stand quietly while you tell the baffled shop owner that you are looking for shoes that feel hard like splintered wood because your skin can’t bear soft things.

I stand quietly when the attendant gives us scornful looks when I ask for the key to the disabled toilet because the hand dryer…

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How to (Effectively) Show Support

March 18, 2015 — Leave a comment

The Daily Dahlia

Here’s something I’ve noticed a lot – people want to help. People have good intentions. People want to show support. But they don’t really know how. They don’t know why something matters, or how to get mileage out of it.

Here’s what else I’ve noticed a lot – people really love to rage. And that’s important; there are issues that require it. And raging does change things.

BUT.

There is a really big difference between being a person who only rages and a person who both rages and makes a real move for change. And maybe people don’t realize that. Maybe they don’t get how. But I’m tired of seeing raging with no support counterbalance, and I’m tired of people thinking raging is enough without backing it up in a meaningful way. I’m tired of people not realizing how limiting the effects are when all you do is talk…

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Straight Men Explain Things to Me

March 18, 2015 — Leave a comment

Day 1 begins

December 6, 2014 — Leave a comment

Well today is officially day one for the master cleanse I’m pretty excited for the past month I’ve been saying I’m going to get in shape not eat anything bad and lose weight well that wasn’t the case . I currently work at McDonald’s and seeing that food every morning makes me want to eat it on my breaks and I do! It’s hard for me not to eat it. So last night I finally made the decision to start the master cleanse ! I woke up in a good mood which is great I feel like you need a great attitude to start a diet. This morning I went straight downstairs and did the salt water flush. It was very gross. The worst part of the diet not only trying to chug the salt water but just the taste alone is so disgusting and very potent. You can definitely taste the salt ! It tastes exactly like the ocean water! But instead your drinking it on purpose and 32oz. May I remind you.

The salt water flush is suppose to help you with your bowel movements before you start the juicing. Well I just did the flush and I’m still waiting for a bowel movement people have said to wait at least an hour before going throughout your day. Which I plan on staying in the whole weekend because I know for a fact that I will get tempted from the different smells of food. I want to be very serious about this diet and finish strong ! I’ll try to write about my experiences on this diet and write about how I’m feeling and how everything is going.. Wish me luck guys it’s going to be hard but I know I could do it. XOXO

So lovely that it’s mad

December 2, 2014 — Leave a comment

Moonroots

Feel the energy refreshed

anew

a new day

a new pattern

watch the particles collide

so close yet so far

do not resist the sun on your face

it is there for a reason

a changing of a season

doesn’t mean the same for everyone

as all our paths are unique

dancing and interweaving together

so much method in the madness

so lovely that it’s mad

many lifetimes to be had

let it all happen

let yourself be free

there is always more to see…

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“It all comes down to the last person you think of at night. They have your heart.”

December 2, 2014 — Leave a comment

How do you know when your in love?

How do you know if its just a crush ?

How do you know?

In this world you only lets say have 100 years at least to live.. Lets just say out of those 45 you live it up. Would you rather be a house wife single married with kids or someone who doesnt have to worry about anything and just have those wonderful men on the side wrapped round your finger.

What if your in love ? well you think your in love with someone that treats you the opposite of what you expected.. Mabye someone you dont expect to be with. Do we even know what love is? or what it feels like? mabye many of us think we are in love and we get so close to it we think there the one. Why is it so hard find that one.? Why does God grant you someone you think your suppose to be with then someone else comes along and ruins everything you live for and fucks everything up? Can god be that cruel?

Is he even controlling our lives like we think he is or are we just paranoid? Are we suppose to have faith in ourselves and follow our gut mabye even getting screwed over in the end , or go with the safe choice.

Would you want to screw over that person and everything that they grew with you or start an exciting new adventure.? These questions are yet confusing to me. yet again we only live a short amount of time. This world i believe is full of people who screw you over whenever they get a chance there cruel but yet sometimes sweet. in the end all we car about is what they think thats what makes us so controlled becuase of how we think and what others think.. Is that right ?

In the end…. we still wont know

Bijou

December 2, 2014 — 2 Comments

tempting..

Missing that feeling

October 22, 2014 — 1 Comment

      I know I haven’t posted anything lately. And I’m sorry for leaving you guys hanging I’ve kind of been missing in action I guess you could say. Just thought I would write something about the babies. Just because I Miss them all the time. Adams been gone too in South Carolina.
       He left for bootcamp September 9th it’s been hard because we had just recently lost the twins then he had to leave right after. So it’s been difficult not being able to call him when im sad or need someone to talk to. An events is coming up at the Pomona Hospital it’s a walk to remember for all the mother’s who lost there children. So that is going to be really hard because I know Adam wanted to be here for that and we get to see the babies names on a walk with a plaque. In remembrance of them.
       I really miss there kicks. I remember right before I had them they use to kick all the time and I would bond with them that way. So now I feel like I’m forgetting that feeling and it scares me because I use to love it.
        I mean it would hurt sometimes but it made me happy knowing that they were still with me. I could go into great detail of what I miss about them. But it’s just too emotional. In order for me to feel better about myself and not blame myself for what happened to them I need to talk about it.
        But honestly I can’t talk to a computer about it. Or wrote it on paper. You can’t get support from paper. Or the computer screen. The one person that could really support me and make me feel better is my husband. And I need him more than ever. I love you Adam Steven Junes. I can’t wait for you to come home.

The twins will always be by your side watching you and making sure your safe. I love you Santa work hard continue to suppose me with all these amazing things you could do. I will always be here for you my love. Suyos para siempre. ❤😍😘

I sent you a Blessed Rosery and socks that the twins wore when they were born I hope they got to you safe, I know I kind of took a chance by sending them to you. But I thought it would make you truly happy. keep them safe and don’t lose them they are very important to me. I trust you and I love you with all my heart.

~~Love your Wife.~~

Someone Hurt My Son

September 15, 2014 — 1 Comment

twinsmommyag

My Struggles

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