Children’s birthday parties are ruining my life

Class birthday parties: a great way for children to have fun on weekends, for parents to get acquainted – and even better when you get a grown-up drink or cake thrown in.

However, after five years of having three children at school, and one fortnight that involved nine parties, I’m ready to stage a rebellion.  

Last year the summer holidays were a welcome break from the WhatsApp party groups and school bag invitations. 

But as it got closer to the new term starting, the parties started to creep back into our diary and I replied ‘Yes’ to all of them because our calendar was looking empty for September. 

School started, and I only then realised that I’d RSVP’d ‘Yes’ to nine parties in two weeks, more than my husband, Matt, and I go to in one year. 

As parents we are used to being outnumbered by our children so ‘divide and conquer’ has become something of a motto. However, working out how to get to and from six parties in one weekend, with one car, was a logistical nightmare. 

For the first time, since having our kids, we had to draw up a spreadsheet of who had to be where, and when, which parent was on duty and if we’d bought a gift yet or not. I thought Matt’s head was going to explode.

During another party-filled Saturday in October I found myself with just a single hour between chauffeuring the kids, to sit down and eat. I held on to the memory of those peaceful 60 minutes when my nervous system was being overstimulated at a wild leisure centre bouncy castle party for two hours later that afternoon.

There’s a level of resentment as well – at not having time to go to a weekend Pilates class, relax at home or choose our own social life. 

The invitations to whole-class parties started coming in when our oldest son, now nine, started school. There were regularly two or three in a weekend but as it was new to us, we enjoyed seeing him having fun and chatting to parents.

Our twin boys, who were born in 2019, are seven and in Year 2 now, and the invitations are still coming in thick and fast. The novelty has worn off. 

Now that they’re older the frequency has gone down, but six parties per month isn’t uncommon. Our kids’ social lives have taken over and we’re just there to escort them and deal with the Haribo crash.

Some families seem to be really good at keeping their weekends for family time or seeing friends who aren’t at the school gates five days a week. 

My friend Chloe* often tells me that they’ve blocked out a weekend for family time, no matter what invitations come their way. 

But I feel guilty saying no. I worry that my kids will be missing out, or people may stop inviting them to anything, and what my boys should say to their friends about why they weren’t there.

With our family, the twin factor also plays a large part in why we have so many parties. But, I thought they would have died down by Year 2 – or people would keep them small. 

Even sharing parties would be easier for everyone rather than organising the same type of party at the same venues on consecutive weekends. But, I can’t start telling people what to do.

When the twins turned six, we let them choose 10 friends each (they’re in different classes) to invite to a party with a magician at a local church hall. It was still a bigger party than we planned but it felt more manageable after hosting two back-to-back whole class parties when they were in Reception, which was a logistical nightmare and completely exhausting. 

My older son is much more understanding than the twins if we ask him to miss a party for a family commitment. And at his age the kids tend to invite three or four friends for an activity or sleepover. I like these kinds of parties as they’re calmer, more fun and less parental involvement (refereeing) is required. 

Part of me does feel bad for complaining. It’s wonderful to see our boys’ friendships blossoming and I’d be sad if they weren’t being invited. Now that the children are older, more parties are drop-offs and we’re lucky that we have friends who are happy to share lifts.

Plus, our kids get to do some great activities such as Go Ape, ice skating and climbing which we would usually only do as a special treat during the school holidays.  

But I want to spend time with my children on the weekend, too. The time could be used for a trip to a museum or to see non-school friends. The weekdays fly by with school, clubs and activities which means our weekends are precious. 

There are obviously bigger issues to worry about than birthday parties when it comes to parenting. But I want to find a way to take back our weekends and enjoy this precious time with our fast-growing boys who won’t want to spend time with us when they’re teenagers. 

I just need to be brave enough to say no.

*Name is changed

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

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