Happy Writers: Embrace That You Are Doing Something Hard

It's been awhile since we've had a Happy Writers meeting, hasn't it? I'm sorry. Sometimes I go dry on topics, and March was particularly dry for lots of reasons. But I'm trying to get back into the swing of things! So let's enjoy the meeting and the clubhouse and the cupcakes.

Mmm, cupcakes.

A couple weeks ago I was talking to my sweet little sister, who is in grad school and also engaged. Her life is kind of crazy right now, and so of course she is having those mental struggles that come with that. She was video chatting with my mom about how hard school was, how she didn't think she could do it, how everything just seemed impossible.

I happened to be in the room, and my heart just lurched for her because I knew where she was coming from. I don't know if it made any difference for her, but it did for me when I said, "You are doing something hard. They don't call it grad school for nothing. But that doesn't mean you can't succeed or that your failures will spell disaster."

The idea hit me in that "Duh!" place after I said it. Having perspective on my sister's plight was easy enough from the outside, and we are all immensely proud of her because she is the first of my siblings to even go to grad school. I don't think I could have done it. I decided fairly quickly that undergrad was enough for me.

But it's harder to remember that you are doing something intended to be difficult when you are smack in the middle of it. I'm sure my sister looks at her fellow students and sees them doing well or having an easy time, much like I thought many of my aspiring writer friends had it easier than me while I was querying and on submission. It's so easy to forget that you are doing something intended to be hard, and that in and of itself is a bold and amazing thing.

Publishing is hard. Plain and simple. Writing a book is hard. Querying is hard. Submission, debuting, maintaining a successful writing career with all its sacrifices—these are all hard things to do. Honestly, I don't think a single part of this job was designed to be easy. The more I've learned, the more I know that for sure.

So when you crash into a road block or fail in some way, don't forget that you are trying to accomplish something difficult. I've failed so many times at this writing thing it's kind of ridiculous. I have almost a dozen trunked manuscripts. It took me 4 rounds in the query trenches to find an agent to take me on (nearly 200 queries!), and even then I spent 9 months editing for that agent before the official offer. When I finally managed to get on submission to editors, my first book failed for 15 long months. Then my agent left the business, and I had to get used to a new one. Then I went on sub for a second time and finally sold a book. This all took about 5 years.

That's a lot of fail, guys, let's be honest. And when you are going through all that stuff it's so, so easy to take it out on yourself. To decide you must suck. To feel like it'll never happen. To want to give up. To wish you had never started.

It's also easy to forget that you are doing something hard, especially when it looks easy for other people. You see other writers getting agents and deals and blurbs and glowing reviews left and right, and it can be tempting to think that they never had a difficult time trying to publish. Well, that's just not true. In my 5 years of pursuing publishing, I have never met a writer who hasn't struggled. They may hide it well online, but that doesn't mean they don't face the same harrowing path as the rest of us.

Take comfort in this truth: You are doing something hard.

In a world where it seems as if we're almost encouraged to take the easy way out, you are doing something to challenge yourself. You are pushing yourself, improving yourself and your craft. You are trying to achieve something that is no easy feat. Even if you stumble or struggle or take forever to get there, take pride in your courage and strength, even when it feels like you have none.

Because this whole writing thing is supposed to be hard, and once you accept that it's much easier to continually find the joy in the process.

Happy Writers: You Can't Read The Future

It's an unfortunate truth that none of us really know what tomorrow brings. The funny thing is that, despite all of us understanding this, we all seem to try anyway.

I do this far more than I want to admit, and it usually comes in the form of assuming NOTHING will EVER CHANGE. I use all caps because I tend to think this falsehood with a ridiculous amount of drama. And it applies to my whole life, even when I know it's not true. Like if I have a cold, on day two of sore throat and cough and sniffles I'm always like, "This will NEVER end! I will be sick FOREVER and I hate being sick WHY is the universe doing this to ME????"

Sounds pretty stupid, right? It totally is. And yet every time I get sick, I do this. Even when I know I won't be sick forever. Even when I know it's not that bad. Even when I know 100% that I'm being irrational.

Here's a few things I've said to myself over my years in pursuit of publication that were equally as silly:

"I will never finish this book."

"I will never get this book right."

"No one will ever notice me or care about my writing."

"I will never get an agent."

"I will never sell a book."

"I will never get another book deal."

"I will never win awards or hit the list or make back my advance or get blurbs or good reviews or fan sites or whatever-else-I-feel-like-whining-about-currently."

Why do I always base the future on my present circumstances? I don't know the answer to that question, but I do it pretty frequently.

I remember vividly when I was querying and then going through submissions to publishing houses. My outlook was directly influenced by the last few responses I'd gotten. If I had a couple requests from my query, I'd be all, "I AM GOING TO BE A BESTSELLER THEY LOVE ME." Two rejections later it would be, "I AM NEVER GOING TO SELL ANYTHING I SUCK." When I was on sub, if an editor rejected because "they didn't connect with the characters" or "they didn't see a place for it in the market" or "it started too slow" or "it started too fast," I would automatically assume every other editor out there thought the same thing. I was doomed. FOREVER.

But the truth is—You do not know what's going to happen in the future.

My book is debuting in paperback. Does that mean all of my books will? I don't know. My book is a standalone. Will all my books be standalones? Will I only write in one genre? Will I stay with the same publisher? Will I sell more books? Will people even LIKE my books? Will I be in this pre-debut stasis forever and ever? No, of course not. Things can change overnight. OR, in most people's cases, they change gradually, until you're looking back and wondering how you even got to where you are when it felt like you never would.

I feel that way a lot now, remembering the long hard journey that was my five years querying and being on sub. I look back and wonder how I even survived. How I got here. But there's one thing I know for sure—I never would have guessed it would turn out like it did.

We all want to find reasons for why things happen the way they do. I think writers especially want to, since stories are built on such things. But sometimes there aren't reasons. Why did it take me five years and another author only two? Why is that book being published and not mine? Why did that agent love this book but rejected mine? Sometimes the frustrating truth is the good ol', "Just because."

Try not to let the whys and the what-ifs get you down. They are so far out of your control it will only drive you crazy to try and answer those questions. Just remember that the future, no matter how bleak today seems, can still be bright. A rejection today doesn't mean one tomorrow. Failure now doesn't mean failure always. And good things work the same way—they can go away, too. None of that means your dreams won't happen. If you keep going, one day you'll be looking back at the long road you've traveled, marveling at how far you've come...

...and how far you still have to go.

Happy Writers: Pity Parties

First, go check out my vlog for Friday The Thirteeners today! I rarely vlog, so it's not like you can see my acne ridden face all the time. I also talk about how gray characters can get in YA, with examples! I even tried to sound smart. "Try" being the operative word.

For Happy Writers today I want to talk about the undeniable fact that it is impossible to be happy all the time. I know this very well, since despite my best efforts to remain positive there have been moments where I am beyond UNhappy with my journey.

And that's okay!

We are all human after all. Being able to purge yourself of all sadness, guilt, frustration, and jealousy is not something many of us will be able to accomplish in this lifetime. And I personally believe it can be very damaging to keep those feelings bottled up. Sometimes you have to allow yourself to feel them, acknowledge them, and then let them go.

This is why I am a big fan of the Pity Party. Yes, I actually hold my own personal pity parties on occasion. They last a day, in which I am allowed to feel as miserable as I'd like. I say to myself—and sometimes even friends—all those things that scare me or frustrate me. I usually cry. I most always eat poorly. And when the day is over I move on with my life.

Yesterday was one such pity party. I just felt down, and honestly it has been awhile since I felt so cruddy about my writing. I've actually been feeling great about where I'm at, so it really threw me off for these feelings to come out of seemingly nowhere. So I took a day. I whined and worried and listened to the dark whispers of my heart.

It wasn't very fun.

But it's a good reminder that I can let myself hang out in misery or pick myself up and determine to get on with my work and my life. Sometimes you have to feel the sadness to remember that seeking happiness is far more productive and enjoyable.

Happy Writers: Being Honest With Yourself

I think what brought me the most UNhappiness the past three or four years writing has been lying to myself about where I was at. I always wanted to be more and never appreciated the place I was, and to be honest, I kind of regret that.

As I've dug myself out the depression that was 2010, I've found the thing that has helped most is being honest with myself and my capabilities and my time. I didn't take care of myself like I should have, instead opting to sacrifice my own mental well-being for career. It wasn't good, and I've learned now that there are some things that I shouldn't have given up in the pursuit of publishing.

I can't tell you what you need to change in your life, but I highly recommend taking a step back and being honest with yourself and what might be making you unhappy.

Happy Writers: Having Fun

My new favorite title in all existence. (via @sarahlapolla) Makes me SO HAPPY.

So it's been awhile since I've done a Happy Writers Society post. It wasn't that I was UNhappy, but I guess lately I've felt like I've covered many topics and I was having trouble coming up with new ones.

Actually, I've been a really happy writer lately! I almost feel guilty about how much I've been enjoying my work. Sometimes it feels like maybe I'm doing it wrong if I'm having fun. Of course that's not true, but you get that sense at times. We should be suffering for our art. It should be hard always.

I don't think so, honestly. I think we slog through the rough parts because we know how great the good times are. When we're having a good time? Dude, I say ENJOY it to its fullest. And, yeah, maybe other people will be offended by your happiness, but that really says more about them than you. I've had to learn about that lately, the whole not letting other people stop me from being happy with what I have.

So I'll admit it—I'm having FUN right now! I've been through a lot of hard stuff, and it makes this part all the sweeter. I've turned in revisions. I have another project I love to clean up. AND I have a new story I've just started writing. Things are flowing. I'm feeling really good about my work for the first time in...oh...two years? I want to hold on to this feeling as long as I can, because I know the darker ones are always lurking.

Have fun with your writing. I know it can be hard when writing becomes tangled up in the pursuit of publishing, but try not to let go of writing and what it gives you. Treasure the good moments. Don't waste them in worrying about what might come next.

Happy Writers: Using What You Love

My books are riddled with stuff I love. TRANSPARENT, for example, sprang from my love of "superpowers" and a childhood adoration of X-men. I always wondered what it might be like if the majority of people had genetic mutations, how that would change our world, if it would normalize them to some extent or create chaos.

That's not the only thing in that book that has my little Natalie Stamp on it, of course. Fiona has an intense love of freckles, which I've always adored. She loves Pop Tarts, and I might have been the President of the Pop Tart Club my sophomore year of high school (But she likes blueberry ones, which I've never cared for.).

And then there's the Taco Bell scene, which is based off my brother's amazing ability to consume food. And the community pool is taken straight from the one I went to as a child. There's even one character I named because I love that name and my husband hates it, so I knew I'd never get to have a child named that.

To get a little deeper, I've always felt invisible, and on more than one occasion I've wanted to really be invisible. So writing a character that was literally invisible was a kind of nod to that part of me that always felt unseen, unwanted, and lost.

I think sometimes as authors we are afraid to admit how much of ourselves goes into a novel because then we'd get accused of the dreaded Mary Sue Syndrome (If you don't know what that is, it's when someone claims an author has inserted themselves into the novel and the story is basically wish fulfillment). Well, today I'm here to say, so what? Yes, there are many pieces of me in my books—how could it be any other way? How could I make my work stand out without using my unique voice and interests? If I didn't write about what I liked, what I wanted to explore, what I wondered about, what I was most scared of, how could I find passion in my work?

No, my characters are not me, per se, but they are certainly created out of the things I find interesting. They inherit problems I have always wished I could answer. They sometimes have my passions, and sometimes they have passions I wish I had. And, yes, sometimes they like things I don't know anything about. Those characters are punks, making me research like that.

I write about worlds and topics that suck me in—whether that be ninjas, mutated crime bosses, witches out for vengeance, or just a boy who is tired of being second best to his best friend. I focus on the aspects of those worlds that I would care about. I develop worlds based on my own experiences.

I'm not sure how else to do this writing thing. To me, it wouldn't be fun if I took myself completely out of the book, and I have a feeling the book would be flat as a result. When I'm writing about things I like—whether it's an anime club or magic or linguistics—I am happy. More than anything, I've learned that enjoying writing is one of the most rewarding things a writer can experience. Everything else is tainted if you're not having fun.

Happy Writers: Getting Lost

Obviously I love stories. I'm sure we all do. There is nothing like being completely swept away in a story. Whether it's in a book, comic, video game, TV, or movie—whatever it may be—that feeling is one of my most favorite parts of being a human being and a writer.

Getting lost in them has been a past time of mine since I was a child. I would absorb stories and take them outside to play with. I remember reading about Narnia and searching for portals everywhere I could think. After hunting down Carmen San Diego on my computer, I'd play that with my friends, make clues, red herrings, villains and everything. I'd act out The Oregon Trail. Heck, I even convinced my friends to summon Captain Planet. And there was that one time, after seeing Fern Gully, that I convinced my brother the tree out back was bleeding and we had to save it.

It's hard to put into words what I've gotten out of stories all these years, but I know they are good things. Stories have given me courage, understanding, hope, sympathy, knowledge, respite, joy, peace, and something more to reach for.

I try to absorb as many stories as I can from as many different places as I can, and when I get lost? It's all the better.

Right now I'm drowning in a Korean drama called Boys Over Flowers, which is classic teen drama in every way possible, but somehow the most engrossing thing ever. Seriously, thing series could be on the CW and feel right at home (except it's MUCH cleaner, and yet manages to maintain a level of intense drama).

Boys Over Flowers was an extremely popular show, I've come to learn. In the height of its production, the show garnered 30% of TV viewers in Korea, which is HUGE. And it's not just Korea. The story is originally from a Japanese manga, which then was adapted for anime, and THEN a live-action in Japan. Then Korea snagged it. And Taiwan. That's some serious success.

What this show has taught me is that the "cliches" can work. We tend to criticize certain tropes in novels, but now I wonder why when they can be so effective. Is there an average girl from average circumstances? Yes. Is there a love triangle? Oh yes. A bad boy and a sensitive, good one? Yup. A sweet best friend? Mean Girls? Fighting turned affection? Yes, yes, and yes. And I am totally eating it up.

I love how engrossed I am, too. So there.

As storytellers, I think sometimes we can get a little story-fatigued. They all start to look the same or something. So when it truly hits us, it's even more of a treasure, and I've learned to appreciate those moments wherever they come from. And trust me, they often come from the unlikeliest of places.

Of course, the best thing of all is getting lost in my own stories. I gotta admit it doesn't happen as often as it once did, but the moments when I'm living and breathing my stories are intoxicating. They keep me going when times get hard. Right now, though I can't really work as I'd like, I'm craving that feeling. I want to dig into one of my stories and write and explore and make something that, I hope, other people can get lost in, too.

Happy Writers: On Hope

From the dictionary:

Hope:

1. n. The feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

6. v. To look forward with desire and reasonable confidence.

I've wanted to write a post about hope for a long time, but every time I attempted it didn't come out right. Probably because I didn't fully understand how I felt about hope at the time, and I think now I'm starting to.

I had a lot of hope when I first started writing. You might even say more hope than a newbie writer ever should have. I will fully admit to daydreaming about being on the Today Show for my awesome future books, being a bestseller, winning awards, everything. At that point, it felt like everything was in my grasp if I just kept reaching.

And, well, it was true. I didn't know what my publishing road would hold, and who was to say I was aiming too high?

So I started with an extra full tank of hope, a lot of misconceptions about publishing, and an old school edition of Writer's Marketplace. I quickly learned that an agent might be a good idea, and a Google search or two taught me about them and query letters. I wrote one, had a friend who had never tried to publish (but he was a writer!) read it, and sent it to five poor agents.

All rejections.

That hope tank dropped a little. Not much, mind you, it was just five rejections, and I had no I idea then just how low I could get. But it was my first moment of doubt—the opposite of hope. Could I really do this? Was I kidding myself?

I bounced back pretty quickly, though. I wrote a new book. I found crit partners. I did more research and made a longer list of agents. I started blogging in sincerity. I turned my remaining abundance of hope into action, lots and lots of action.

But I kept failing.

I'm not proud of it, but those failures *did* chip away at my hope. As the years passed, as the books in my vault piled up (to TEN before I signed with an agent), as I watched friends find success, I slowly stopped believing in myself and my dreams. And then I did get an agent, but my novel sat on submission for fifteen months going nowhere. I am not kidding when I say I was one step away from walking away last year. I had so little hope in myself and my work that it didn't seem worth it anymore.

Trying to publish over the space of three years got me a heavy helping of depression and anxiety and pressure. The waiting chipped away at my lofty dreams day by day. I hated my hope. I attempted to blot out any shred left in me. It was hope's fault—if I hadn't had such high hopes to begin with, I wouldn't be in so much pain. I felt like such an idiot, chasing dreams I couldn't make come true. I'd fallen for the lie of hope, fallen for believing I could be more, fallen for reaching something I could never attain.

Then I was given the perfect out—my agent was leaving the business! If there was any time to leave, it was then. My sub project was basically dead in the water. I despised my WIP. And I didn't have to take Agent Anna's offer. I was off the hook, basically handed a Get Out Of Jail Free card on a golden platter.

But even then, a little niggling hope remained.

The hope I thought I despised was still there, despite my best efforts to murder it, and it said, "One more time. One more book. Keep trying. You can do this." I tried to ignore it, but it worked inside me. "Stop ignoring me. Stop putting yourself through unnecessary pain. I am not your enemy."

I didn't quite believe its claims, but one more try sounded reasonable. I was almost done with revisions on TRANSPARENT. I could stick it out another six months, and then if it didn't work out I could definitely say I gave it my all.

Well, it sold. It wasn't the Big Lofty Dream Deal. I know I won't be on the Today Show or the NYT Bestseller list. But the dang book sold! Hope was right, dangit, even if it took longer than I thought and didn't happen how I fantasized. I kept reaching, and eventually I grasped what I'd always wanted.

Strangely enough, though, my hope was still low. Heck, I'm still working on fighting the constant doubt and fear.

But I've learned something lately—hope was never the problem. All these years I've been blaming hope for all my pains, when really it was the loss of hope that caused my pain. When I faced rejection or setbacks, I hate to admit it, but I let them get to me. I set aside my hope for success and let doubt creep in, with its bosom friends frustration, bitterness, and impatience. The more time that passed, the more I allowed myself to hang out with doubt and feel sorry for myself.

I handled waiting in every possible wrong way. And the truth is, it's those times, when nothing is happening and you are just living normal, boring life, that you become the person you are. The Big Moments are just moments, and depending on how you handled the rest of the time either sweetens or embitters them.

Some people might say hope is foolish—I certainly would have said that last year—but it's a necessary part of the human spirit. Hope, reaching for more than now, more than we are, is what makes us grow and flourish and find happiness in an otherwise painful existence. I don't think I ever reached true hopelessness, but I did get close enough to put the fear in me. It was prison, pain, and a kind of despair I wouldn't wish on anyone.

And I was the one who put myself there.

Never let go of hope, no matter how foolish it may seem. It is hope that will get you through the worst of times. When you're one step from falling into an endless pit of darkness, it will whisper, "Keep trying. It'll work out. I believe in you." Don't listen to doubt, frustration, bitterness, or impatience. Listen to hope. It might feel like it will hurt you, but really it's the other things that are killing you.

My newest goal is to be hopeful, in everything I do. After a couple years of doubting myself at every turn, this isn't easy, but I can feel the weight lifting already. I hope it continues.

Happy Writers: Finding What Works For You

NOW I'm officially done with edits! I sent them off to my editor and everything! Eep. I am mostly excited and mildly sick at the thought.

BUT, I wanted to point you guys to a wonderful series on non-traditional publishing avenues on Sarah Lapolla's blog. My friend Michelle was featured today, talking about her experiences in both self-publishing and small press.

I truly believe there is a publishing path out there for everyone, and that all of them hold success and happiness if they're the right fit. I really hope in these changing waters that we can make room for everyone and enjoy the many ways we can get our stories out there, and that we can respect each person's personal choice in how they do that.

Happy Writers: Brain Fried Edition

ALL OF THE EDITS. THEY ARE DONE. (Except not really because I still need to reread and make sure I didn't royally screw it all up. BUT STILL.)

I am happy feeling and semi-delirious. Or all delirious.

That was hard. Yeah.

Celebrating is needed. AKA: A Nap.

Happy Writers: YOU

Yesterday a package came from Japan. It was full of AWESOMENESS, with a simple letter of congratulations from the lovely Claire Dawn. Claire has followed my blog for a long time, and her excitement about TRANSPARENT selling has meant so much.

Claire is just one of many bloggers who've brightened my day. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like a comment or tweet can do much, but I can't tell you how many much-needed smiles you've given me these last three years.

A lovely reader named Bethany sent me an article on Yumiko Oshima the other day, and I was so excited to learn that her art is the origin of the kitty ears anime trope. Now I'm determined to hunt down The Star of Cottonland.

You have recommended anime to me. I found Fruits Basket, Ouran High School Host Club, Hikaru No Go, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Bleach, Moribito: Guardian of the Spirit, and so many more from YOU.

You send me links that made you think of me, and I'm always very pleased when they are about ninjas or cartoons or cupcakes, and everything else, too.

You have sent me thoughtful emails of encouragement and thanks and just plain kindness. These have helped me get through the hardest of times.

You have taken time to read this blog, which is sometimes silly, cheesy, and even melodramatic.

You have spread the word about my contests, ENTERED my contests, and been so gracious whatever the outcome. And to the winners, you have shared your words with me, and I do a little dance every time I hear of your successes.

You guys, out there in blog land, constantly make me happy to be a writer, to be part of this community. That any of you would take the time out to be kind to a stranger (because, really, I am one to so many of you) says volumes. You are wonderful, and you have been a big part of my journey thus far. I hope it never changes.

Happy Writers: Your Only Competition

It's you. It probably sounds cheesy—and heaven knows it doesn't always feel like that—but the only person you're competing against in writing is yourself.

This is a creative venture, after all. It's subjective. Yes, there are accepted standards, but at the same time those standards are often broken. Maddening, right? I both love and hate the idea of subjectivity. Sometimes I just want there to be a formula that says my book is GOOD. Of course then it could also say my book is BAD.

A lot of the times, I want to make this more complex than it is. But there's a simplicity to the writing/publishing gig that we will never escape:

1. It's subjective.

2. Therefore, stuff happens that may not make sense.

3. We can't control anything but our own work.

That's...pretty much it. It's kind of like running a marathon. Yeah, you could focus on those guys who run at Olympic speed. You could get bitter and think, "I will never run a marathon that fast, so I'll give up." But that fact is, if you CAN run a marathon you are pretty dang awesome. And if you can beat your own time, that makes you even MORE awesome. Independent of anyone else.

Writing a book is like that. Yeah, maybe you aren't the Olympic Book Writer, but if you've finished a novel, you are AWESOME and I raise my glass of Sprite to you. And if you've improved since then, you are MORE awesome. It keeps going—independent of anyone else.

I could spend a lot of time wallowing in the fact that I didn't sell as fast as I wanted. Or that I'm still so far from publication. Or that I won't be a bestseller. Or that I'm not this or that and the other. But that's just silly—I'm further along than I've ever been! I've written a better book than I ever have! And it's going to be published!

Comparing me to me, I've improved a lot, and I've come a long way. When I remove everyone and everything else from view, I can sit here and be proud of myself.

Because the most important thing is besting myself, and as long as I do that everything else will work out.

Happy Writers: Deciding To Be Positive

When I was younger, I had a bad attitude. Okay, sometimes I still have a bad attitude. But as a teen I was particularly cynical and sarcastic. It was my comfy shell, a way of protecting my seriously fragile feelings from the bullies who so enjoyed messing with me. Because if I pretended it didn't hurt, pretended it didn't matter, maybe it wouldn't. And after awhile it worked. I totally faked myself out. I became as hard on the outside as I needed to be. As the Simon & Garfunkel song said—I was a rock. An island. People only brought pain, so I never let them get close enough to do their damage.

As you can probably imagine, the advice I most hated at the time was, "You can choose to be happy. Attitude is a choice."

I wanted to punch every adult that told me that. I wanted to scream in their faces, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I HURT." I mean, c'mon, do you really think telling me that will help? Thank you for pointing out that I'm not pleasant to be around—it makes me feel much better! Because I didn't know that. Hell, I don't even like to be around myself! Not surprised others can't stand me, since that's kind of my goal. Can we be more obvious?

Well, truth be told, I still hate when people tell me that. Not because I don't believe it, but because I KNOW it's true. I really do. I know a person can change their attitude if they want.

But...it's not so easy for some people. I have anxiety—social anxiety in spades, mixed with a fear of failure, some OCD (heavier on the Obsession side, leading to catastrophizing and then panic attacks), and a lifetime of low self-esteem tied to a lot of bullying. I don't say this to make excuses, but because I don't think a lot of people understand how HARD it can be to change your attitude when that is the exact kind of mental disorder you face.

So I want people with anxiety or depression or other mental hurdles to know that I get this—I get how much it can hurt when someone says, "Well, just STOP BEING SAD. Duh." And then you want to burst into tears because you would LOVE to not be like this, and you are trying so hard not to be but obviously it's not working and people just don't understand.

It sucks, it really, really sucks. But the thing is, even though I have received that advice at the worst possible moments, it doesn't negate its verity. We CAN change our attitudes. I know this to my core, because I have done it, both for better and for worse.

Is it hard to change my attitude? YES. Very hard, in fact. It can be a full-time, weeks-and-weeks-long battle to beat back my negative, anxious tendencies. For me, it is so much easier to let those dark thoughts take hold, to play with them and let them hurt me. Sometimes, it takes every ounce of willpower I have to decide that I will smile instead of cry, that I will see the good and not the bad.

But you know what? It's worth it. Being happy—even when it feels like the hardest thing in the world—is always better than giving into the anxiety. I wish I had the strength to do it all the time, but I haven't given up yet and nor do I intend to, though sometimes I don't even realize when I've fallen back into it again.

Just this week I was emailing a friend who has also been struggling with her writing, and I told her she needed to DECIDE to have fun. The second I wrote that, I was like, "Dude, tell that to yourself, Miss Whiner." I have been telling that to myself since then. And guess what? I'm feeling better. Not perfect, but better. Because I am stronger than I think, and I've had years of practice in the willpower department.

So as much as I hate hearing it, being positive, happy, optimistic is a choice. The choice is harder for some than it is for others—and, boy, do I know that—but in the end being a happy writer is entirely up to you. I wish you luck in getting there.

Happy Writers: Lime Cupcakes For Everyone!

This is my new favorite cupcake: The Lime Cupcake. A little slice of heaven, I'm telling you.

So I'm often passing out virtual cupcakes at our Happy Writers meetings, but today I thought I'd actually pass out a recipe for this lovely, perfect, and surprisingly simple cupcake. And with it I want to give some good writing advice: Have other hobbies.

Seriously. There's a lot of waiting to be had in the publishing world, and you have to fill it with something. You could fill it with angst and staring at your email inbox (guilty). Or you could spend it making cupcakes and watching Downton Abbey (also guilty). Which one is more fun? Well, I'm gonna have to go with the cupcakes. Cupcakes make EVERYTHING better.

Doing life. Just as important as writing life. If not more.

On to the recipe!

Natalie's Lime Cupcakes:

Ingredients:

For Cupcakes:

2 cups all purpose flour

1 1/2 cups sugar

3 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup shortening

1 cup 2% milk (I've used 1%, too, and it's come out fine. Not sure about fat free.)

1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla

4 egg whites (large eggs)

1-2 limes (or 4-8 key limes [those babies are small])

2 drops yellow food coloring

4 drops green food coloring

For Topping:

3 ounces Cream Cheese

2 ounces soft butter

2 cups powdered (confectioner's) sugar

1 lime

Crushed graham cracker OR toasted coconut (depending on your preferences)

Directions:

For Cupcakes:

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake pans with paper liners (supposed to make 24, but I usually get like 21).

• In a medium bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt with a whisk. In a large bowl, put in shortening, then pour in the milk and vanilla. Do NOT mix, as the milk will go everywhere.

• Add half the dry flour mixture to the wet mixture and mix, add the rest until well blended.

• Zest one whole lime into the mixture (Or two, if you want it really limey, but I like mine more subtle...so I can eat more. [Plus the frosting has lime, too.]), and then cut lime and squeeze the juice into the mixture. Add the food coloring. Blend.

• Add four egg whites, beat mixture until it's fluffy with slight peaks (makes for an equally fluffy cupcake).

• Fill cupcakes 2/3 full with batter. Bake 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean (always 20 minutes for me, but I'm at high altitude so it could be different). Cool 10 minutes in pan, then take out to cool completely.

For Topping:

• Beat cream cheese and butter together until blended.

• Zest lime and squeeze in juice. Blend.

• One cup at a time, add the powdered sugar and blend. If it seems too runny, add more sugar until firm. Put in fridge to cook while cupcakes do.

• Crush graham crackers or toast coconut, depending on your preference.

• When cupcakes have cooled, frost them generously, then dab the cupcake in graham cracker or coconut. (If I had extra limes, I would also cut slices to put on top as decoration, if I were getting super fancy.)

And there you have it! I hope you like them if you try them, and if you don't...don't tell me! Ha. I think I'm just as nervous about sharing a recipe as I am about sharing a book! What if you don't like it? What if it's just me? IT COULD BE THE WORST CUPCAKE EVER.

But it's not. It's amazing.

I hope. *deep breath*

Happy Writers: The Power of Words

Claire Dawn blogs at Points of Claire-ification. She's a YA writer who's easily distracted by—oh, pretty butterfly!—um, where were we again? Oh yeah, Claire is currently busy compiling a list of 100 Books Every Writer Should Read. Stop by and find out how to submit your lists. (Also, I feel compelled to add that Claire lives in Japan, which makes her infinitely cooler.)

The Power of Words.

Once in Bible Study, my friends and I wondered why it is that we pray out loud. I mean, if God knows all the desires of your heart, he doesn't need for you to say them, does he?

The conclusion I reached? Humans need words!

When we are born, we have only thoughts.

"I'm hungry."
"If I bite this, it's hard."
"If I bite this, it's soft."

And then we learn to speak and our thoughts become more complex. It's a bit of a chicken and egg argument for me.

Would our thoughts be this complex if we didn't have words to express them?
Would we need words if we didn't have complex thoughts?

Whatever the arrangement, at the end of it all, we depend on words. Even when there's noone around, we solidify our thoughts with words, maybe out loud, maybe in our head. We often think in words. Only when a thought is completely sensory (the beauty of a painting, the nostalgia of the smell of homecooked tomato sauce) that we seem able to avoid words.

Isn't that ridiculous? We take the pure ideas of our thoughts and confine them into restrictive words within our own minds! And somehow this restriction makes us MORE expressive.

Words bring order to our thoughts.

And words can do other things for us.

They can help us reason. When we're trying to make important decisions, we make lists in our heads or on paper of pros and cons. The situation hasn't changed at the end of our list, but we can understand the best path more clearly.

They can comfort us. When something's wrong, it often helps to talk it out. At the end of the conversation, the sky is still falling, but we feel like we've got an umbrella now.

They can change us. When I started my blog, I started it to encompass everything I do and everything I'm interested in: Japan, music, fitness, foreign languages, travel, and writing. When I started out I was a girl who wrote. Thanks to the blog and the people I've met as a result, I am now a writer! (Thanks Marsha, Jon Paul, Natalie, Jen, Julia, Erin for inspiring me in so many ways!)

Words can give us an immense amount of power.

"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me!"

Really? What delusional soul told you that? Of course words can hurt!

But they can also heal. And they can convince people of an opinion, or make them doubt the ones they were raised with. They can create beautiful new worlds or expose the flaws in the current one. They can exalt or they can devastate.

Isn't cool that the tools of our trade are so amazing?

You are the wordsmith. You have the power. Word?

Happy Writers: Walking Through Ghost Walls

It's easy to view publishing like a caste system. You have the best sellers, the published, the soon-to-be, the agented, and the unagented. You have the rock star agents, the solid agents, the newbie agents. The Big Six, the small publishers, the self-publishers. If you wanted, you could view this all as rank. You could decide to put someone on the bottom and someone on the top. You could decide to treat them that way, too.

Sometimes it feels like there are insurmountable walls, made of thick brick and covered in "No Trespassing" signs, built around these groups. It can feel like you're not allowed to talk to the other groups until you, in fact, are permitted to enter the next wall.

But here's the thing—those walls aren't really there. They might look real, but if you tilt your head a little to the left you'll see that they're holograms made from assumptions. Assumptions that you don't belong, that you aren't good enough, and that the people on the "other side" think that, too. Those walls are nothing but the ghosts of insecurity, and the only thing they're really doing is holding you back.

Published authors? They are busy folk, but they were once unpublished, too. They are the people they've always been. As I've gone through this journey, I'm always surprised by how...the same I am. Unfortunately, I have not morphed into a more exalted creature every time I've made it past another milestone. I still handle things the way I've always handled them—with a lot of hard work, thought, and panic. And the other writers I've seen "ahead" and "behind" me stay themselves as well.

I know it might sound crazy, but there is no real difference between you and a best-selling author, save the fact that they happened to write a book that reached a large audience. We are all writers. We're at different stages, sure, but that doesn't mean we can't reach out to each other, in both directions. I absolutely LOVE hearing from writers, and this year alone I've made several writer friends from all stages in the process.

Now, I want to make this clear, I'm not giving you a pass to send John Green or Maureen Johnson or Sarah Dessen emails of family pictures and proclamations that you should be their best friend. I'm just saying that they, and every other writer, are people (generally extremely nice people, too, despite how busy they are). Yes, writers have "established" friends, but that doesn't mean you are unwelcome. Yes, they tend to hole up around deadline, but that doesn't mean they are shutting you out (It means they are shutting EVERYONE out, maybe even their spouse.). Yes, it can be intimidating to put yourself out there, but the only wall between the published and unpublished is the one you make. So why not make it a pretty white picket fence with a gate that swings both ways?

Happy Writers: 5 Things Writer's Edition

You've played 5 Things I'm Loving, right? No? Okay, it's something I totally lifted from Stephanie Perkins. But it's fun and easy and holy crap it's already past two and I'm just barely sitting down to blog. Get it together, Nat.

1. People Who Get It

I sent SIDEKICK off to a friend for a read I like to call the "Tell Me I Am Not Crazy For Thinking This Is Good" Read. You would be surprised how many of these reads I need. Actually, maybe you wouldn't. I'm pretty insecure about my writing, but my contemporary stuff specifically sends me into fits of "I will NEVER be good enough."

So she read it. And she SO got it. I love her and the gushing email she sent. Also, I love this feeling of relief that has set in. I finally have this book to the point where it's doing what it's supposed to do, and that is AMAZING. A miracle.

2. Writing Contemporary

I decided to try my hand at one of my contemporary ideas about two years ago (This became SIDEKICK). It was terrifying, and yet exhilarating. The truth? I'm kind of a closet contemporary writer. Okay, see how I'm hedging that? It's so hard for me to admit that I LOVE to write contemporary YA. Most of my favorite books are contemporary, and I've always regarded that genre with the deepest respect. I don't see myself as deep enough or talented enough to write it, which probably sounds crazy stupid, but it's true.

But, well, I love it. I really do. I love digging into characters and exploring every aspect of what makes them tick. Don't get me wrong, I adore writing paranormal and all those others, too (heck, I wrote a witch book earlier this year), but right now I'm in contemporary mode. Very happy to be here.

3. Spotify

Guys...seriously, you need Spotify. It's basically like Pandora and iTunes got together and had a baby—a baby full of free music and customizable playlists. It's my writing's new best friend. I have always wanted specific playlists for my books, but been too poor to buy each and every song. If you like to listen to music while you work, you will LOVE this. Love. (FYI: There are ads like on free Pandora, but if you pay up you can get rid of them.)

4. My Desk

Who knew having an actual desk was so cool? If I'd known how much I'd use it—rarely used my card table because it was confining—I might have gotten it sooner. And bonus, it doesn't wobble every time I touch it!

5. My dear MC, Trent Parker

I am so crushing on my main character. Yes, instead of writing a boy secondary character for a girl MC to fall in love with, I go straight to the boy at times. I mean, he's the one I want to hang out with all the time anyway! I'm selfish like that.

Trent is funny and thoughtful, with a heavy helping of bitter and maybe an itty bitty taste for revenge. Or justice, depending how you look at it. He's constantly surprising me, and even if I stress over writing I'm also happy I decided to explore his story. Still not sure exactly where it'll end up, but at least Trent and I will have fun on the way.

Alrighty, those are my 5 Things. Feel free to share yours in comments!

Happy Writers: Steal Like A Pro

This was supposed to go up last week while I was gone, but of course Blogger didn't put it up. What is that about? I swear that scheduled posting thing has a 50% success rate.

Anywho, today Adam Heine has the HWS podium. Don't mind if I sneak to the clubhouse offices. I, uh, have a lot of planning to do for my 1000th Post on Monday!

***

They say great artists steal. Here's how.

HIDE THE EVIDENCE
Inspired by Ocean's Eleven, you want to write a heist story.
Unfortunately, everything you know about heists you learned in that
movie, so your first draft has a team of 11 con artists robbing an
underground casino vault in Vegas. A little obvious, right?

When you steal a story you love, you have to obscure your source.
Figure out what you like about it. Use that, and change the
rest.

Say they're not robbing a casino, but a museum. Heck, THE VATICAN
(they did a museum in Ocean's Twelve anyway). Instead of the head
thief trying to get his girl back, maybe the Cardinal is an old friend
who betrayed him (heh, maybe the Cardinal used to be a thief, too).
Now you've got a heist story with the elements you loved from the
movie, combined with your own take on things.

But is it enough to hide your source?

DON'T ROB THE SAME PLACE TWICE
In writing terms, this means read books (and watch movies) of all
kinds and every genre. The Vatican heist is a good start, but it's
still open to accusations of being derivative. What if we added a
romance? A gov't conspiracy? An ancient cabal of vampires? Any (all!)
of these can be twisted into our semi-derivative story to make it less
a clone and more like an original piece of art.

Should they all be used? That's up to you (the risk of a
kitchen-sink story is another
post entirely). But if you can make it work, you will not only
have a unique story, but you will have hidden many of your sources as
well.

LEAVE EMOTION AT THE DOOR
Wait, isn't this plagiarism? Shouldn't we be trying to come up with
our own original ideas instead of stealing from others?

To the first question, no, it's not plagiarism (unless you're stealing
actual text from your sources, in which case I don't know you).

To the second question, two things. First, there are no original
ideas (if you disagree, read
this first). This is a good thing. Presenting the familiar in a
new and interesting way is a lot easier than thinking of something
that has never occurred to the hundred billion people who came before
you.

Second, the fact there are no original ideas means every idea you
think is original happened to you at some point. It might
have been a story you read or something that happened in real life
(which is more common than you think). Either way, you experienced it,
assimilated it, and it's now coming back as an idea. That's why it's
so important to live life and read widely, so you have as much
material to draw from as possible.

The point is don't worry about it. Don't feel bad about
stealing ideas. Don't be afraid that your ideas are "unoriginal." IT'S
OKAY. This is what artists do. Keep reading. Keep learning the
craft. And keep trying to find your own unique spin on your favorite
tales.

Because there is one thing that's original in this world: YOU.

Happy Writers: Finding Confidence In Yourself

As a writer, you have to be both your biggest fan and your worst critic. You have to love what you're writing. Not to say that you must enjoy every second of it, but you have to believe that the story you're telling is a good one, a worthwhile one. At the same time, you have to tear that story apart and find every flaw in need of purging. You have to criticize what you supposedly believe to be a good story.

It's not easy. We all know that. The balance can be hard to maintain. When I was a greener writer, I tended to lean more to the This Is The Most Awesome Story Ever It's Perfect side. Now I tend to lean towards All My Books Suck I Am An Idiot For Trying To Write. And it seems like it's very easy for a writer to focus all on the Critic and not on the Fan.

You really do need both.

It might sound strange, but it's okay to be confident in your work. I mean, even if you would never say it out loud, you secretly are, right? Deep down, you believe that the story you are telling is special and worth it and you want to share it. Maybe you even think it'll be BIG. Those thoughts aren't bad, cocky, whatever—they are necessary. Again, having confidence is NOT wrong. Now, if it turns into laurel-resting, bragging, and pride, it can be just as bad as going all critic on yourself, but confidence alone is good and essential to your progress as a writer.

Confidence keeps you going, keeps you trying, keeps you enjoying. And when tempered with that inner critic, it becomes a beautiful partnership that produces good work.

It can be hard to stay confident in yourself and you work. There are so many things out there waiting to tear it down—comparison being the most prevalent. But we have to remember that another's skill (or lack thereof) has no bearing on our work. There is room for everyone, and one person's success does not mean your failure.

The other heavy hitter would be criticism, especially when your own critic takes over. It's easy, for some reason, to translate one bad remark as meaning everything you write is bad and will never be good and you should give up now.

This is where the confidence needs to come in—to fight this stuff. The confident part of yourself can tell you that your work has merit, even when others are "more" amazing. The confident part of yourself can bring you back from criticism, tell you that the problems are fixable and it doesn't mean you aren't talented.

If you've been in self-critical mode for too long, it can be hard to find that confidence again. You may have to dig down deep and pull it out. Honestly? When I'm getting all doubtful I ask my friends straight up to compliment me, because sometimes I just need to hear someone else say it, even if it's at request. I also try to go back to the roots of my stories, my love list, and remember why I believed in this story and my ability to tell it in the first place.

So own that confidence, and be proud of your work.

Happy Writers: One Thing Never Changes

Happy Friday, everyone! Boy, has this been a topsy turvy week. I have been all over, but I wanted to quickly hold an HWS meeting.

Have I mentioned I'm writing yet another book?

Uh, yeah, I am. So what if I have, like, way too many books? Here I am writing more, because if there's one thing I've learned through all this publishing stuff is that it's always, always about the book. No matter where you're at on the authorial road, that does not change.

I know sometimes it may not seem like that. Sometimes it feels like it's about what sells and what's popular. Sometimes it feels like it's about who is "in" and who isn't, or like networking is the be all end all. Sometimes it feels like the book is the absolute last thing this is about.

Of course that's not true. As easy as it is to get sucked into everything, it always comes back to the book. Your book. That is the most important thing you can work on. It is the what will get you an agent. It is what will get you published. It is what people will read and love and hopefully want more of.

Your book is everything. And your next book, too.

Whenever I feel rotten, I go back to my books. Those stories—they're the reason I'm here in the first place, and when I put them first everything else falls into place, my mood included.